We talk constantly about a narcissist’s rage, their coldness, and their need to control every room. We rarely talk about what sits underneath all of it. My mother was beautiful and charismatic, and everyone outside our home adored her. At my cousin’s wedding reception, she told a table of guests how she had raised three ... Read more
“Just leave him.” If you have heard those words from someone who has never loved a narcissist, you know how much they sting. I heard them constantly during my years with my ex. A close friend said it to me over dinner once, right after I told her he had gone silent on me for ... Read more
You can spend years trying to decode a narcissist with the same logic you would use on any decent person, and you will lose every single time. I know because I kept trying it with my own mother well into adulthood. When my aunt and my sister took my savings while I was eight months ... Read more
The most damaging relationship of my life started as the easiest one. Within weeks, he remembered every detail I shared and made me feel like the most interesting woman in any room. Two years later, I barely recognized myself. Narcissists rarely announce themselves. In the beginning, their behavior looks like charm, intensity, or a connection ... Read more
Narcissists don’t go after the fragile ones. They go after the woman who can run a household, close a deal, and hold an entire family together without asking anyone for help. I was that woman for most of my life. People called me strong right up until the moment I needed someone to be strong ... Read more
Narcissists look like the most confident people in any room. My mother certainly did. Everyone outside our home adored her, and I grew up believing nothing could ever shake her. She could tell me I was stupid behind closed doors and then charm a room full of guests as though nothing had happened. For years ... Read more
There is a comforting idea about getting older: eventually, life teaches people humility. You make mistakes, lose things you once took for granted, and watch your children grow up. You supposedly become more reflective because time has a way of putting everything into perspective. That is not always what happens. Watching my mother age taught ... Read more
Wanting time from someone who is technically in your life but never actually with you creates a strange, disorienting kind of loneliness. I know that feeling by heart. It has my mother’s voice. Growing up, I didn’t get ignored in obvious ways. I got “not right now.” I got “I’m tired.” I got “maybe later,” ... Read more
There is a particular kind of confusion that comes from being intensely wanted by a narcissistic person. They may react strongly when you pull away. They may suddenly become attentive, desperate, angry, affectionate, or unusually interested in keeping you close. When they seem unable to tolerate the thought of losing you, that intensity can feel ... Read more
Narcissistic abuse is not always verbal. Some of the most damaging communication happens without a single sentence being spoken. A person can communicate contempt through a sound long before they ever explain what they supposedly mean. You know the feeling if you have lived around it. A sigh comes from across the room, and your ... Read more
