I told myself I could handle it. That maybe I was overreacting. That love meant compromise.
I was so wrong.
When you’re with a narcissist, you don’t wake up one day and suddenly see the truth. It happens slowly. One gaslight at a time, one silent treatment at a time, one emotional high followed by an emotional gut punch.
And before you know it? You’re drowning in self-doubt while they walk around like they are the victim. I hate that sh*t!!!
I wasn’t alone in this. Studies show that narcissistic abuse survivors take an average of 7 attempts to leave before breaking free (National Domestic Violence Hotline). The emotional grip is real.
For me, there was ONE moment that finally shattered the illusion. One moment when I realized I had to get out before I lost myself completely.
But before I tell you what it was, let me take you back to the beginning… where I got caught in the trap.
Table of Contents
The Love Bombing Phase: Why I Fell for the Trap?
If you’ve ever been with a narcissist, you know the drill. It doesn’t start with cruelty. It starts with an overdose of affection, attention, and validation.
Psychologists call this “love bombing,” a manipulation tactic where narcissists flood you with admiration and affection to create intense dependency (Dr. Ramani Durvasula, Clinical Psychologist & Narcissism Expert).
It looks like:
- “I’ve never felt this way before.”
- Texts all day, every day.
- Intense eye contact that makes you feel like the only person in the world.
- Grand gestures, expensive gifts, and deep emotional confessions way too soon.
And me? I fell for it. Because who doesn’t want to feel special?
But here’s what nobody tells you: It’s not love. It’s control wrapped in a fairytale. The goal isn’t to make you feel good. It’s to hook you before you start noticing the cracks.
And oh, the cracks were there. But I ignored them. Because who walks away when things feel this good?
The Manipulation & Gaslighting Phase
Then, one day, things changed.
The same person who once adored me now seemed annoyed by my presence. The deep, intimate conversations turned into passive-aggressive jabs.
I remember confronting them about something hurtful they said. Their response?
“I never said that.”
Or sometimes, “You’re overreacting. You always twist things.”
That’s what gaslighting does. It makes you question your own reality so much that you start relying on them to tell you what’s true. And that’s exactly what they want.
Research from the American Psychological Association confirms that gaslighting creates cognitive dissonance, a state where victims struggle to reconcile the narcissist’s words with their own lived experience, leading to extreme self-doubt.
Looking back, the signs were everywhere:
- The back-and-forth cycle of affection and cruelty.
- The silent treatments anytime I stood up for myself.
- The way every argument somehow became my fault.
But I stayed. Until the moment that changed everything.
The Breaking Point: The One Thing That Made Me Leave
It wasn’t a big explosion. It wasn’t some dramatic fight where I finally stood up for myself and walked out.
It was something small. A single moment that finally made me see the truth.
I realized I was in a completely one-sided relationship, and I was done.
The control had become unbearable. I wasn’t allowed to go out with my friends. I had to update him on every single detail of my day. And on top of that? He started pushing me to pay more for things because I made more than him.
But the final straw?
I found out he was cheating on me with his colleague.
There I was, bending over backward to prove my love, sacrificing my freedom, and financially covering for him while he was sneaking around behind my back.
That was the moment I saw it all for what it was. It was never love. It was a power game I was never going to win.
That day, I didn’t just leave the relationship. I left the illusion that I was ever truly loved.
Why Leaving Was the Hardest (Yet Best) Thing I Did?
Leaving a narcissist isn’t like leaving a normal toxic relationship. There’s something called trauma bonding, which creates an addiction-like cycle where victims feel emotionally stuck to their abuser.
Dr. Patrick Carnes, a leading expert on trauma bonds, explains that these relationships work like dopamine withdrawals. The love bombing floods your brain with feel-good chemicals, and the abuse leaves you craving another “high.”
This is why so many survivors go back… because their brains have been conditioned to seek approval from the very person who is hurting them.
For me, walking away meant dealing with withdrawal symptoms:
- The urge to go back, just to feel loved again.
- The guilt of leaving someone I once cared about.
- The fear of never finding a love that intense again.
But I knew I couldn’t go back. Because once you see the pattern, you can’t unsee it.
How to Spot a Narcissist Before It’s Too Late
Here’s what I wish I had known sooner:
- Fast-moving relationships are not a sign of love. They’re a sign of control.
- If you feel like you’re constantly proving your worth, you’re in the wrong relationship.
- If they make you doubt your own memories, trust me—they know exactly what they’re doing.
- If you have to walk on eggshells, stop blaming yourself. Healthy love doesn’t feel like that.
A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that people in relationships with narcissists experience higher levels of anxiety, depression, and self-doubt, yet many stay because they feel trapped in a cycle of emotional highs and lows.
If you’ve ever been in a relationship like this, you already know… it’s a mind game. So tell me, what finally made you walk away? Or are you still in the cycle? Let’s talk in the comments.
