After years of dealing with my narcissistic family members and, worse than that, I dated one unknowingly, my mind wasnโt just tired, it was wrecked.
Iโd wake up already exhausted, overthink everything I said, and question if I was actually the problem. I wasnโt.
But when youโve been manipulated, gaslit, and dismissed long enough, even thinking clearly feels impossible.
I wasnโt looking for fluffy affirmations or โjust be positiveโ advice. I needed real, practical things I could do to feel like myself again, one small mental win at a time.
These 25 clever mental health hacks helped me shift my mindset when I was drowning in self-doubt, depression, and leftover damage from narcissistic abuse.
If youโre feeling stuck, foggy, or mentally drained, youโre not broken. Youโre just healing.
And these are the exact things that helped me do it.
Table of Contents
Why Positive Thinking Feels Impossible After Narcissistic Abuse?

People love to throw around the phrase โjust think positiveโ like itโs some magic fix.
But when youโve lived through narcissistic abuse, positive thinking feels impossible, like it’s fake.
Youโve been lied to, guilt-tripped, and emotionally torn apart by people who were supposed to love you.
They didnโt just hurt you, they trained your brain to expect the worst.
To doubt every compliment. To question every kind gesture.
To believe that peace is just the calm before another storm.
So no, positive thinking isnโt just hard, it feels unsafe.
Because for a long time, your nervous system was in survival mode. And surviving doesnโt leave much room for affirmations or gratitude journals.
But hereโs the thing no one tells you:
You donโt need to go from broken to blissful overnight.
You just need to take one mental step forward.
The hacks Iโm about to share arenโt about pretending everythingโs okay.
Theyโre about rewiring the beliefs narcissists tried to beat out of you, beliefs like โI matter,โ โI deserve peace,โ and โI can choose better.โ
Letโs start there. With truth. Not toxic positivity.
The Mindset Reset: Small Habits That Build Big Mental Shifts

When your brain has been trained to expect chaos, betrayal, and criticism, even the smallest moment of peace can feel suspicious.
I used to wait for the other shoe to drop constantly. If something good happened, Iโd brace myself, because in my world, good things came with strings.
Narcissistic abuse didnโt just leave emotional scars, it rewired my entire way of thinking.
So no, I didnโt wake up one day and decide to โbe positive.โ
I started with tiny shifts, simple but yet clever habits that felt doable even on my worst days.
And one by one, they added up to a mindset I never thought I could have.
1. Start With 60 Seconds of Quiet (Meditation for Trauma Survivors)
I didnโt light candles or chant mantras. I just sat on the edge of my bed and breathed.
One minute. Eyes closed. Just existing.
It wasnโt blissful. It was awkward. But slowly, I found space between my thoughts, and in that space, I found calm.
2. Reach Out to One Safe Friend
I didnโt broadcast my pain. I picked one person who felt safe, and I sent them a voice note.
Not to get advice. Just to be heard.
And when they responded with warmth instead of judgment? It reminded me that connection didnโt have to hurt.
3. Move Your Body to Move the Emotion (Even a Walk Counts)
Some days, I couldnโt get out of bed. But on the days I could, I walked.
No goals. No Fitbit. Just forward motion.
Moving helped me feel like I wasnโt stuck, even when my mind told me otherwise.
4. Nourish Your Body (Because Trauma Lives There Too)
I used to forget to eat. Or Iโd binge whatever numbed me fastest.
Then I started asking: what would I feed someone I love?
I didnโt overhaul my diet. I just chose food that felt like care, not punishment.
5. Read Things That Remind You Youโre Not Alone
I read stories from other survivors. Listened to podcasts that told the truth about trauma.
Not to wallow but to remember that I wasnโt crazy.
That other people had made it out, and I could too.
These shifts werenโt magical. They didnโt โfixโ me overnight.
But they gave me something narcissists never did: hope without fear.
They reminded me that I could build a different mindset, one rooted in reality, not reaction.
One built on small, intentional acts of self-respect instead of survival instincts.
Emotional Rewiring: Train Your Brain to See Hope Again

After narcissistic abuse, hope doesnโt come naturally.
Your brain learns to expect pain. You start anticipating manipulation, abandonment, or criticism even when things seem calm. Thatโs what emotional trauma does. It conditions you to distrust joy, question safety, and brace for impact.
I didnโt realize how deep it went until I found myself flinching at kindness. When someone offered help, I wondered, What do they want from me?
I wasnโt negative, I was programmed to protect myself. And thatโs why emotional rewiring isnโt just important, itโs survival.
Here are the simple but powerful steps that helped me train my brain to believe that good things are possible again.
6. Talk to a Professional (Even If Itโs Just Once)
I was terrified the first time I sat across from a therapist. I expected judgment. What I got was validation.
He didnโt try to fix me, he helped me understand why I thought the way I did.
That alone shifted something big.
You donโt have to commit to years of therapy. Just start with one session. Sometimes, one hour of being heard can interrupt years of gaslighting.
7. Get Around Real People, Not Energy Leeches
I started paying attention to how I felt after spending time with people.
If I left drained, anxious, or doubting myself, it was a no. But if I left feeling seen, energized, or just calm, that was a yes.
Rewiring your emotional state often starts with who you let into your emotional space.
8. Keep a No-BS Gratitude Journal
Letโs be clear, I didnโt write โIโm grateful for the sunshineโ every day.
Some days, I wrote, โIโm grateful I didnโt answer that toxic text.โ
Or, โIโm grateful I made it through the day without crying in the shower.โ
The point isnโt to fake positivity. Itโs to train your mind to notice survival wins. Because even surviving is something to be proud of.
9. Set 3 โI Can Do Thisโ Goals a Day
Nothing builds trust in yourself like keeping promises to yourself.
I kept it simple:
- Drink a glass of water.
- Respond to one message.
- Write down one feeling instead of suppressing it.
Every time I followed through, I reminded my brain: Iโm capable. Iโm consistent. Iโve got this.
10. Let Music Carry You Back to Yourself
Music is therapy, plain and simple. It bypasses the thinking brain and goes straight to the emotions.
I made playlists for different moodsโโFight Songs,โ โSoft Days,โ โDonโt Cry in Publicโโand let them soundtrack my healing.
One song, one lyric, one chorus can make you feel like youโre not alone in the world.
Joy Practice: Reclaim What Narcissists Tried to Take From You

One of the hardest parts of healing from narcissistic abuse is realizing how much joy you stopped allowing yourself to feel.
When you spend years walking on eggshells, trying to avoid their next explosion, your brain learns one thing: play it safe.
Donโt laugh too loud. Donโt dream too big. Donโt show too much emotion, because thatโs when theyโll strike. Joy becomes a risk.
I didnโt even realize how numb I had become until I was sitting in a coffee shop one afternoon and saw a couple laughing so hard they had tears in their eyes.
It hit me like a brick: When was the last time I laughed like that?
So, I decided to reclaim joy, not the fluffy, Pinterest-worthy kind. Real, grounded joy that feels safe and belongs to me.
11. Find One Reason to Laugh (Even If Itโs Dark Humor)
Laughter is medicine, especially the inappropriate, belly-shaking, โthis is so wrong but so trueโ kind.
I started watching comedy shows about trauma, memes that made fun of narcissists (hello, healing), and yes, I even laughed at myself sometimes.
Joy doesnโt mean youโre healed. It means youโre human.
12. Try a 7-Day โMental Cleanseโ (No Drama, No Doomscrolling)
I went 7 days with no narcissist-related content, no triggering conversations, no social media stalking.
Just good books, gentle podcasts, and things that made me feel calm.
It was uncomfortable at firstโalmost boringโbut then it felt like breathing for the first time.
13. Let Go of One Old Grudge (You Know the One)
Letting go isnโt about pretending it didnโt happen. Itโs about choosing not to carry it every damn day.
I wrote down one grudge that lived rent-free in my mind. Then I burned it. Dramatic? Yep. Did it help? Hell yes.
Sometimes your nervous system just needs the signal: Weโre not holding this anymore.
14. Forgive, Not for Them But For You
I resisted forgiveness because I thought it meant excusing what they did. It doesnโt.
Forgiveness is saying, โI release this because I deserve peace, not because they deserve pardon.โ
When I reframed it that way, everything shifted.
15. Help Someone Else (Even a Small Thing)
I started with the tiniest acts, leaving a kind comment, sending an โIโm thinking of youโ text, holding the door.
When youโve been consumed by survival, helping someone else reminds you that you still have something to give.
Itโs not about being a savior. Itโs about reconnecting with the part of you that still believes in good.
Joy after narcissistic abuse isnโt loud or forced. Itโs soft. Quiet. Rebellious.
Itโs trusting yourself enough to laugh again, smile again, and live again without asking anyoneโs permission.
You donโt need to wait until youโre fully healed to feel joy. Joy is part of the healing.
Body & Energy: Because Depression Isnโt Just in Your Head

After narcissistic abuse, I thought my mind was the only thing that was broken.
But healing taught me something deeper:
The trauma lives in your body, too. Itโs in the tightness of your chest when your phone rings.
The way your shoulders tense when someone raises their voice. The exhaustion that hits even after a full nightโs sleep.
For the longest time, I ignored the physical part of my recovery. I thought, If I just โthink better,โ Iโll feel better.
But no amount of positive thinking can override a nervous system thatโs been on high alert for years.
To truly heal, I had to start reconnecting with my body and treating it like a safe place again.
Hereโs what helped me come back to myself, physically and energetically.
16. Soak Up Some Real Sunlight (Vitamin D + Dopamine)
I used to hide inside. I didnโt want to be seen, didnโt want to exist.
But stepping outside even for 5 minutes, started to shift things.
Sunlight isnโt just โfeel goodโ fluff. It literally helps your body produce Vitamin D, which boosts serotonin and dopamine, two neurotransmitters your brain desperately needs when recovering from trauma.
17. Build a Real-Life Safe Support Circle (Not Just Online)
Thereโs something healing about hugs, shared meals, and being around people who donโt drain you.
I started small: one person I trusted. Then two. A walk with a friend. A phone call I didnโt cancel.
We heal in safe connection, not isolation.
18. Track Your Negative Self-Talk (Then Challenge It Like a Lawyer)
I began writing down every awful thing I said to myself throughout the day.
โYouโre lazy.โ
โYouโre too much.โ
โNo one really likes you.โ
Then I challenged each one.
Would I say that to a friend?
Could I prove it?
Was it a factโor just an old wound talking?
This process helped me stop believing everything my brain threw at me.
19. Create a Night Routine That Loves You Back
Narcissistic abuse destroyed my sleep for years. Iโd replay conversations, imagine comebacks, spiral in the dark.
I started rebuilding my night routine:
- Phone off an hour before bed
- A warm shower
- Journaling one safe thought
- Calming music or an audiobook
When your nights feel safer, your days get lighter.
20. Reconnect with Something That Used to Be Fun
I forced myself to do things I used to love even when I felt nothing.
At first, it was awkward. Like trying to laugh at a joke you didnโt get.
But the more I showed up, the more joy cracked through the numbness.
Thatโs when I realized: I wasnโt broken. I was disconnected.
And every small moment of fun was a wire reattaching.
Your body isnโt your enemy. Itโs your ally.
It carried you through abuse. It protected you.
Now, it needs you to return the favor.
Your mind may have taken the hits, but your body has been holding the weight.
Deep Rewiring: For Long-Term Healing and Confidence

Thereโs a point in healing where you stop just survivingโฆ and start rebuilding.
But hereโs the truth no one tells you: that shift doesnโt happen overnight. It happens through deep rewiring, tiny, repeated actions that change how you see yourself, your worth, and your future.
After narcissistic abuse, I didnโt just doubt other people, I doubted myself. My judgment. My feelings. My instincts.
So the goal of this phase wasnโt just to โfeel better.โ It was to trust myself again.
Hereโs what helped me rewire my brain and rebuild real confidence:
21. Ditch the Perfectionism (Itโs a Narc-Script)
Narcissists love perfectionism because it keeps you striving, never satisfied, and easy to control.
I used to chase this idea of being โgood enoughโ for their love or approval. Spoiler: it never came.
Now? I do things messily. I let things be imperfect. I celebrate progress, not perfection.
Because healing isnโt about becoming flawlessโitโs about becoming free.
22. Take a Solo Day Just for You (Even a Cheap One)
I rented a $70 motel 30 minutes from home and called it a โhealing retreat.โ
No texts. No emails. Just silence, journaling, music, and rest.
It felt strange at first. But then it felt empowering.
Like I didnโt need anyoneโs permission to take care of myself.
You donโt need a big budget to make space for your healing. You just need to believe youโre worth the effort.
23. Do One Thing Thatโs Totally New (Even if You Suck at It)
I took a pottery class. I was awful. My bowl looked like a sad ashtray.
But I laughed. I created. I triedโand that was the point.
Trying new things rewires your brain to believe that life isnโt just trauma and triggers.
It can be new. Playful. Beautiful.
24. Get Out Into Nature (Where No Oneโs Judging You)
Nature doesnโt gaslight you. It doesnโt expect you to explain your boundaries or justify your silence.
I started hiking with my husband, and the trees didnโt care what I looked like. The trail didnโt guilt-trip me. The birds didnโt ask, โWhy are you so quiet today?โ
Thereโs something healing about being in a space where nothing is trying to control you.
25. Repeat After Me: Keep Going. Do. Not. Quit.
I wanted to quit so many times.
Healing felt too slow. Too painful. Too pointless.
But every day I showed upโtired, messy, hurting, I built a little more strength.
A little more clarity. A little more me.
So hereโs your reminder:
You donโt have to heal perfectly.
You just have to keep going.
Quick Recap And Key Takeaway
Letโs get one thing straight: this isnโt about toxic positivity or pretending everythingโs okay.
This is about choosing one tiny shift at a time. Choosing yourself.
Because narcissistic abuse doesnโt just damage your self-worth, it rewires your thoughts to expect pain, silence your joy, and question your sanity.
Hereโs the core of what they gave me:
- A way to ground myself in the present, not my past.
- A reminder that joy isnโt selfishโitโs sacred.
- The ability to trust my voice, even when no one else believed me.
- Real confidence, not performative perfectionism.
No, itโs not always easy. But it is possible.
You donโt need to overhaul your life. You just need to start showing up for yourself in small, consistent ways.
And those small ways? They change everything.
Final Thoughts: This Is What Healing Actually Looks Like
If youโve made it this far, then I know one thing for sure: You want to feel different. Lighter. Stronger. More like yourself.
And you will. Because healing doesnโt happen in one breakthrough or some huge dramatic moment.
It happens in the little things, saying no to someone who drains you, choosing water over wine, leaving a toxic text on โread,โ stepping outside just because the sun is out.
Every time you choose your peace over their chaos, youโre healing. Every time you try again after a setback, youโre rewiring.
Youโre not doing this wrong. Youโre doing it bravely.
And if youโre tired of piecing this all together on your own, thatโs exactly why I created The Next Chapter.
Itโs the step-by-step program that helped me rebuild my confidence, reconnect with who I really am, and finally create a life that feels safe, calm, and mine.
You donโt have to carry the weight of what they did forever. You just have to take the next step.
And this right here, was one of them.
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- 16 Ways to Calm Yourself When Life Gets Seriously Shitty