9 Hidden Triggers Narcissists Use to Feed Off Your Reactions

Ah, narcissists. We’ve all dealt with them. They’re like that weed growing on your beautiful grass and if you don’t take care of it, it will over your entire garden and choked all the other life out of it.

Narcissists live for one thing: supply. Not the kind of supply like food or water, no, that would be too normal. They want emotional supply, the toxic kind that fuels their insatiable egos. And guess who their favorite source of that supply is? Yup, you.

Trust me, I’ve lived this firsthand. Growing up, I quickly learned that my mother had her “golden children”, my sister and brother while I was the constant disappointment. I was told I was dumb, ugly, and a failure, and yet somehow, I still ended up being her favorite emotional target.

As I got older, it didn’t stop. My sister turned on me the moment I found success, and my mother made sure the entire family was on her side. They fed off every reaction I gave them.

That’s why I’m here to help you spot the sick games of narcissists in your life, so you can dodge these things like a pro, as I did.

Below, I’m showing you the 9 shocking ways narcissists trigger you for their sick supply, and, trust me, some of these will make your skin crawl.

1. Love Bomb, Then Drop The Bomb

One of the most disorienting tactics a narcissist will use is love-bombing. It feels incredible at first they shower you with affection, compliments, and attention, making you feel like the center of their universe.

But here’s the catch: just as you’re getting comfortable, they pull the rug out from under you. The warmth turns ice-cold, and suddenly you’re left wondering what you did wrong.

It’s like an emotional whiplash. One minute, everything is great, and the next, they’ve disappeared or become cold and distant. This tactic works because it keeps you hooked, always chasing that initial high.

My sister did this all the time. When we were on good terms, she’d go out of her way to make me feel loved and appreciated. But the moment I achieved something she hadn’t, she’d flip the switch, and I’d be left out in the cold.

It took me a long time to realize that this was all part of her game—keep me guessing, keep me seeking her approval, and most importantly, keep me under her control.

How They Get Their Supply

• Showering you with affection to reel you in.
• Abruptly pulling away, leaving you confused and desperate for their approval.
• Creating an emotional rollercoaster that keeps you coming back for more.

2. The Unbelievable Straight-Face Lie

Narcissists have a special talent for lying. But it’s not just any lie, it’s the kind of lie that makes you question your own reality. They look you dead in the eye, with the most sincere expression, and tell you something so absurd that you almost have to believe it.

After all, who lies that convincingly? It’s a mind-bending trick that keeps you doubting your instincts and questioning what’s real.

My mother was a master of this tactic. She would tell people that I was dumb, ugly, and a complete failure in life, and she did it with such confidence that even I started to believe her narrative at times.

But that’s the trick they lie so smoothly that you start doubting yourself. They make you feel like you’re the one who’s losing it when in reality, it’s their deception that’s the problem.

How They Get Their Supply

• Lying so convincingly that you begin to question your reality.
• Manipulating you into self-doubt, making you reliant on them for the truth.
• Thriving off your emotional distress as you try to make sense of their lies.

3. The Magic Disappearing Act

Have you ever noticed how narcissists seem to vanish into thin air just when you need them most? It’s not by accident it’s another calculated move.

One day, they’re all over you, the next, they’ve disappeared without a trace. You reach out, no response. Days go by, but still nothing. You start to wonder if you did something wrong if maybe you’re the problem. Spoiler: you’re not. This is just their way of asserting control.

How They Get Their Supply

• Disappearing without explanation to leave you feeling powerless.
• Making you doubt yourself and question your worth.
• Creating emotional dependency by making their presence inconsistent and unreliable.

4. Starting Arguments for Fun

If you’ve ever felt like a narcissist is starting a fight just to get under your skin, it’s because they are. They’ll pick the most ridiculous arguments, throw out accusations, or twist your words just to see you react.

It’s not about resolving an issue, it’s about stirring the pot and watching you boil over. The more worked up you get, the more they thrive.

I remember countless times when my mother would pick fights over the smallest things. It didn’t matter if I was minding my own business or trying to keep the peace she’d find a way to start an argument, often over something completely trivial. And the more I tried to defend myself, the more satisfaction she seemed to get.

Narcissists know exactly which buttons to push, and they push them hard, just to get an emotional rise out of you.

How They Get Their Supply

• Starting fights over trivial matters to get an emotional reaction.
• Using your frustration and defensiveness to fuel their ego.
• Leaving you emotionally drained while they walk away feeling superior.

5. The Replacement Trick: New Supply, Same Game

One of the most gut-wrenching tactics a narcissist will pull is replacing you. And no, they don’t just move on quietly. They make sure you see it. They’ll flaunt their shiny new “best friend,” partner, or coworker in your face, leaving you wondering, “What did I do wrong?”

It’s a calculated move, designed to make you feel like you’re disposable. But here’s the kicker—it’s not that they don’t need you anymore. They just know you’re still watching, and they want you to feel replaced.

It’s all about keeping you emotionally hooked, even when they’ve moved on. They want you stuck in that emotional quicksand, questioning your worth, while they sit back and enjoy the show.

How They Get Their Supply

• Replacing you with new people triggers jealousy and self-doubt.
• Flaunting their new supply to make you feel unimportant.
• Keeping you in emotional limbo, so they maintain control over you.

6. Smear Campaigns: The Ultimate Character Assassination

If you think narcissists will let you walk away peacefully, think again. When you start to pull away from their control, they will launch a full-blown smear campaign against you.

It’s like watching a masterclass in manipulation unfold—twisting facts, spreading lies, and turning everyone against you. Suddenly, people are giving you the cold shoulder, and you have no idea why. Turns out, the narcissist has been working overtime behind the scenes, poisoning your relationships.

This happened to me with my sister. As soon as I started distancing myself, she began telling lies to our family and friends, painting me as the villain.

It’s a painful experience, watching people you trust believe the lies, but that’s the narcissist’s endgame—to isolate you, discredit you, and keep you in a state of emotional turmoil. And the more you try to defend yourself, the more they feed off your distress.

How They Get Their Supply

• Spreading rumors and twisting stories to ruin your reputation.
• Turning others against you to keep you isolated and powerless.
• Watching you scramble to defend yourself, which only feeds their need for control.

7. Fake Illness for Sympathy

This is one of the more insidious tactics in the narcissist’s playbook. Just when you’re on the verge of pulling away, suddenly, they’re sick. But not just any kind of sick it’s always something dramatic, vague, and just bad enough to make you feel guilty for even thinking about leaving them behind.

Narcissists know how to wield the sympathy card like a pro, using it to reel you back in when they sense they’re losing their grip.

I saw this play out with my mother. Anytime I distanced myself emotionally, she’d magically develop some health crisis that demanded my attention.

It was always something nebulous enough that you couldn’t prove whether she was truly sick but serious enough to make me feel like I was abandoning her. It’s a genius move, really, using fake illness to pull at your heartstrings and trap you in their web all over again.

How They Get Their Supply

• Faking or exaggerating illness to manipulate your emotions.
• Making you feel guilty for wanting to distance yourself.
• Drawing you back into their orbit with a carefully crafted pity party.

8. Withholding Support: The Silent Power Move

Narcissists love control, and one of the most effective ways they maintain it is by withholding support when you need it most.

Whether it’s emotional support, financial help, or just being present for you, they’ll happily dangle what you need just out of reach, leaving you feeling powerless. It’s their way of reminding you who’s in charge—them, always them.

How They Get Their Supply

• Withholding affection or support to make you feel dependent on them.
• Leaving you confused and desperate for their approval.
• Keeping you in a constant state of emotional neediness, so they maintain control.

9. Making Promises They’ll Never Keep

Narcissists are fantastic at making promises big, shiny, hopeful promises that sound too good to be true. And guess what? They are.

The thing about narcissists is that they never actually intend to keep their promises. Whether it’s promising they’ll change, that they’ll be there for you next time, or that they’re done with the toxic behavior, they’ll say whatever you want to hear at the moment.

But when it comes time to deliver, they’re nowhere to be found.

In my family, promises were like currency. My mother would promise me support, validation, and change, but every time, those promises were empty. It was a way to keep me invested, hopeful, and still playing her game.

And when those promises were inevitably broken, I was left disappointed, frustrated, and somehow still clinging to the next one. It’s a vicious cycle, but one they know how to manipulate perfectly.

How They Get Their Supply

• Offering false hope to keep you emotionally invested in the relationship.
• Breaking promises to watch your disappointment and hurt.
• Keeping you on the hook, always hoping that “this time” will be different.

Frequently Asked Questions