You’ve met them before. That charming, all-too-perfect someone who knows exactly what to say and when to say it. They sweep you off your feet, and everything feels like a dream until it doesn’t.
Suddenly, you find yourself questioning reality and doubting your gut; somehow, they’re always right.
Well, congratulations my dear, you’ve just encountered a narcissist in full action.
Narcissists have mastered the art of deception; their most dangerous tool is their words.
But do you know what exactly are they saying versus what they actually really mean?
Today you’re in for a treat, I’m going to break down the 12 most common lies narcissists tell and translate them into what they really mean behind those poisonous words.
- Narcissists are master manipulators who use lies to control and confuse you while keeping you hooked in their toxic cycle.
- The most common lies narcissists tell are designed to make you doubt your reality and prioritize your needs above all else.
- Recognizing these lies for what they are is the first step toward breaking free from a narcissist’s manipulation and regaining control of your life.
Table of Contents
1. I Would Never Lie To You!
A narcissist will go out of their way to tell you how honest they are. They’ll repeat it over and over like it’s some magical incantation that will make you believe it. But here’s the deal: the more they insist they don’t lie, the more they’re lying.
What they’re really saying:
- “I’m already lying, and I need you to believe me before you catch me.”
- “I’ve convinced myself that my lies are actually the truth.”
I’ve seen this firsthand, but not in a romantic relationship—family can be just as ruthless.
I was close to my older sister for a long time until I achieved something she couldn’t. That’s when the lies started, she would say anything to discredit me in front of my friends and our family. It was like her reality shifted, and suddenly, I was the “villain” in every story she told. Classic narcissist move.
2. My Ex Was So Obsessed With Me
Narcissists love to rewrite history. Every ex they’ve ever had is suddenly “crazy” or “obsessed” or “just couldn’t handle” how amazing they are. It’s their favorite sob story, and you’ll hear it way too often.
What they’re really saying:
- “Actually, my ex was just done with my bullsh*t.”
- “My ex figured out who I really am, and I need to make them look bad before you start asking questions.”
- “I’m using my past relationships to manipulate you into thinking you’re lucky I’m with you.”
I remember being told by my narcissist ext that all his exes were “clingy” and “obsessive.” I was young and naïve, so I believed him. Fast forward 6 months later, and suddenly I’m the “obsessed” ex. Amazing how that works, right?
3. I Was Out With Friends
This one’s a classic. You ask where they were, and they hit you with, “I was just hanging out with some friends.” Friends, huh? Yeah, friends that you’ve never met and who seem to only exist after 10 PM on a Saturday night.
What they’re really saying:
- “I’m out collecting attention from my harem of admirers.”
- “You’re just one of many, but I’ll let you think you’re special for now.”
Here’s a pro tip: If their “friends” always seem to come before you, those aren’t friends. That’s a lineup of backup narcissistic supply. Trust me, the only person they’re loyal to is themselves.
4. I’m Just Swamped Right Now
Narcissists are always too busy for you unless they want something, of course. They’ll tell you they’re busy at work, with family, with whatever sounds plausible. Meanwhile, they’re just keeping you in their back pocket until something more exciting falls through.
What they’re really saying:
- “I’m juggling so many people that I barely have time for you, but I’ll keep you on the hook for when I need a favor.”
- “You’re a placeholder until my real supply comes back.”
I once had a guy tell me he was “busy with work” for an entire weekend. Guess what? Instagram stories are a wonderful invention.
Turns out, he wasn’t too busy for a weekend getaway with some “friend” who had a suspiciously affectionate caption. Fun times!
5. We Have So Much in Common!
Isn’t it magical how much you and the narcissist have in common? You like the same music, the same movies, the same hobbies. It’s like you’re soulmates!
Yeah, no.
Narcissists are experts in mirroring you back to yourself. They’ve been taking notes since day one, and now they’re molding themselves into your dream partner.
What they’re really saying:
- “I’ve figured out what makes you tick, and I’m going to use it to get what I want.”
- “I’ll pretend to be everything you want, but don’t expect this to last.”
I once dated a guy who “loved” the same obscure indie band I was obsessed with. Turns out he’d never heard a single song from them. He just Googled their most popular track and threw it into conversation to make me swoon. Nice try, buddy.
6. I Miss You and Love You!
This is the classic narcissist breadcrumb text. After days (or weeks) of ghosting you, they’ll drop an “I miss you” bomb just to reel you back in. They don’t actually miss you, they miss the control they had over you.
What they’re really saying:
- “I need to make sure I still have a hold on you.”
- “I’m not interested in actually fixing anything, but I like knowing you’re still available.”
It’s like clockwork. You’ve just started to move on, you’re feeling good, and boom—there’s the text. It’s designed to pull you back into their web, and it works like a charm every time.
7. Cheating Is Wrong
Narcissists are absolute hypocrites. They’ll demand loyalty and fidelity from you while sneaking around behind your back. When they say cheating is wrong, what they really mean is that cheating is wrong when you do it, not them.
What they’re really saying:
- “I expect complete loyalty from you, but I can do whatever I want.”
- “I have zero intentions of being faithful, but I’ll shame you if you even think about anyone else.”
The same guy who swore up and down that he “hated cheaters” turned out to be juggling three different women. And I found out because—wait for it—he got caught cheating on one of them with me. That’s some next-level irony.
8. They Mean Nothing to Me
Narcissists will tell you that the other people in their lives are meaningless.
But the truth? Everyone has a purpose in their twisted little game. They’ll drop someone in a heartbeat, but that person will be back in the rotation when they need something.
What they’re really saying:
- “Everyone in my life serves a purpose, and I’ll use them as I see fit.”
- “You’re not the only one, and you’re not special.”
If they have a “meaningless” ex or a “just a friend” situation, you can bet that person is still in the wings, waiting for their next act in the narcissist’s drama. Don’t be fooled.
9. My Ex Was The Toxic One
This is a classic projection. They’ll paint themselves as the victim of a toxic, dishonest ex, but it’s a diversion tactic.
In reality, they were the toxic ones, but they want to make sure you’re too busy feeling sorry for them to see the red flags.
What they’re really saying:
- “I was the problem in my past relationships, but I’ll make sure you don’t realize that until it’s too late.”
- “You’ll end up feeling like the crazy ex too—just wait.”
I’ll never forget the guy who told me his ex “emotionally abused” him. Turns out, she caught him lying and cheating multiple times, but of course, she was the “bad guy.” I found out the hard way when he did the exact same thing to me.
I’ve also watched this pattern play out in my own family. My older sister would badmouth me to others, playing the victim, while I was left defending myself.
Narcissists always need to shift the blame elsewhere because taking responsibility would ruin the image they’ve crafted.
10. I’ve Moved Around a Lot
Narcissists love to brag about how much they’ve “traveled” and how they’ve “lived in so many places.” What they’re not telling you is that they move around because they burn bridges everywhere they go. New city, new victims, same old lies.
What they’re really saying:
- “I leave a trail of destruction wherever I go, and I move on when people start seeing through me.”
- “I can’t stay in one place too long because the truth catches up with me.”
It’s not wanderlust. It’s running from accountability. If they’re constantly uprooting their life, it’s because they’re trying to stay one step ahead of the people they’ve hurt.
11. I Used to Be a Player, But Now I’m Changed
Narcissists love to sell you the reformed image. “I was a player, but now I’m ready to settle down.” It’s a lie. They haven’t changed, they’ve just realized that this line works really well to get people to let their guard down.
What they’re really saying:
- “I’m still a player, but I’ll say whatever it takes to get what I want.”
- “You’re just another game, and I’ll keep playing until I’m bored.”
I once had a guy tell me that he was “done with games” and ready to commit. Two weeks later, I found out he was dating three other women. Apparently, “commitment” had a very different definition in his world.
12. I’m So Sorry, I Didn’t Mean It
The fake apology is the narcissist’s go-to move when they’ve been caught red-handed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it” is code for “I’ll say whatever you need to hear so I can keep manipulating you.” They’re not sorry, they’re just sorry they got caught.
What they’re really saying:
- “I’ll say sorry, but I’m going to keep doing the same thing.”
- “I don’t actually feel bad, but I need you to think I do.”
The apology is never real. It’s just a reset button so they can start the whole cycle over again. Don’t fall for it. If they’ve done it once, they’ll do it again.
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Frequently Asked Questions
What is the most common lie narcissists tell?
Narcissists often claim they “never lie,” but this is usually a preemptive defense to cover their deceptive behavior.
Why do narcissists lie so much?
Narcissists lie to maintain control, manipulate others, and protect their false image.
How can I tell if a narcissist is lying?
Pay attention to inconsistencies between their words and actions, and trust your gut when things don’t add up.
Do narcissists believe their own lies?
Yes, many narcissists convince themselves their lies are the truth to uphold their false sense of superiority.
What should I do when I catch a narcissist in a lie?
Confronting them directly often leads to gaslighting, so it’s better to focus on setting boundaries and protecting yourself.
