Growing up in a narcissistic family shaped so much of who I am today.
The narcissistic behavior, controlling dynamics, and constant emotional manipulation left scars that I refuse to pass down.
Now, as a mom, my biggest goal is to break those toxic cycles and give my son a childhood he can actually look back on with love, not pain.
Dealing with narcissistic people taught me exactly what not to do as a parent.
When I reflect on my own upbringing, certain narcissistic traits and unhealthy relationships stand out as major red flags.
And there are five specific toxic patterns I refuse to continue with my son, no matter what.
Table of Contents
1. Punishment Isn’t Parenting, It’s Fear Tactics
Growing up, punishment was the norm, hitting, guilt-tripping, shaming, and even taking away meals just to “teach a lesson.”
But let’s be real, that didn’t teach me anything except fear. I refuse to parent that way.
In my home, discipline isn’t about fear, it’s about teaching, guiding, and helping my son learn from his mistakes. No spanking. No shame. No emotional blackmail. Period.
2. Avoiding Tough Conversations? Not in My House
My parents were pros at dodging important conversations, but you know what? Some of those talks could have protected me. Could have saved me.
That’s why in my home, we talk about everything. If my son has questions, we find age-appropriate answers together.
If something’s uncomfortable? We still talk about it. Silence was never a safety net, it was a weapon. I won’t let that cycle continue.
3. Criticism Isn’t Tough Love, It’s a Wound That Never Heals
Growing up under a microscope of constant criticism by my narcissistic mother left me with scars that took years to undo.
Every flaw, every mistake, every imperfection, pointed out, magnified, and used against me. I refuse to do that to my son.
Yes, I’ll push them. Yes, I’ll guide them. But I’ll do it with support, not shame. My son will know that he is enough, just as he is.
4. Feelings Matter, And My Son Will Always Know That
If you’ve been here a while, you already know, I’m huge on emotional wellness.
But growing up? Feelings weren’t allowed. If I spoke up, I was mocked, ignored, or punished for it my toxic mother and her supporters. That stops with me.
My son will never have to question if his emotions are valid. He’ll never feel like his struggles don’t matter. Because they do. And I’ll always be here to remind him of that.
5. Love Isn’t a Prize, It’s a Given
As a child, love felt like a transaction. Be perfect, be obedient, be exactly who my narcissistic mother wanted, maybe then I’d be worthy of her love.
And for years, I believed I had to earn love. Until I started healing. My son? He will never know that pain. he will never have to prove his worth to me. He is loved, with no conditions, and no strings attached. Always.
My Family’s Toxic Cycle Stops Here
I get that not everyone will fully relate to my experience, and that’s okay.
But I know my story, and I’m choosing to rewrite it on my own terms not just for myself, but for my son and everyone around me.
What toxic cycles are you breaking for your children? How are you making a difference in their lives?
Drop your thoughts in the comments, I’d love to hear them!
