The Conversation Technique I Use That Narcissists Can’t Handle (And Why It Works So Well)

Have you ever left a conversation with someone and felt like your brain had been run through a blender?

You question everything you said. Everything they said. And for some reason, you’re the one feeling bad, even though they’re the ones who threw the emotional grenade.

Yeah, that’s what it’s like dealing with narcissistic people. It’s not a conversation, it’s a trap.

How do I know this? Because I was raised by one, dated one, and grew up with narcissistic family members.

Yes, you can call me a narcissist’s whisperer.

Narcissists will bait you. Twist your words. Use your emotions against you. And if you dare to speak up? You’re “too sensitive,” “dramatic,” or “overthinking.”

I’ve been in that loop more times than I care to count.

Until I learned one simple phrase that changed the game:

“Yes, and…”

The “Yes, and…” Technique And Why It Works?

Now, I know what you’re thinking:
Why the hell would I say “yes” to someone who’s being a manipulative, passive-aggressive, selfish person?

It sounds backwards. It sounds like giving in. But it’s not.

Let me be clear, this has nothing to do with agreement. It has everything to do with control.

The “Yes, and…” technique is a psychological redirect.
It’s the verbal version of emotional aikido; you acknowledge their jab, but you don’t absorb it. You don’t fight it. You just… move around it.

It’s a calm, neutral, boundary-enforcing response that short-circuits their need to dominate the conversation.

Here’s what it actually sounds like:

• “Yes, and I’ve made peace with that.”
• “Yes, and I’m no longer entertaining this dynamic.”
• “Yes, and I’m done explaining myself.”

You’re not giving them what they want. You’re not fueling their fire. You’re not even standing there with a bucket of water.

You’re walking the hell away with your peace intact.

Psychologists call this a deflection tactic. It acknowledges the surface of what’s said without validating the manipulative intent behind it.

And narcissists? They absolutely can’t stand it. Because it robs them of the thing they crave most: your energy.

They want your outrage. Your emotional meltdown. Your long explanation. Your shaky voice. That’s their fuel.

But when you give them a calm “Yes, and…” instead of a dramatic comeback?
You’re not just defusing the bomb, you’re walking off the battlefield.

It’s a verbal shrug, and it’s disarming as hell.

How I Use This Technique in Real Life?

The first time I used this technique, it felt weird. I’m used to defending myself, to proving I’m not the villain in their made-up story. But the more I practiced this, the more powerful I felt.

Let me give you a real example.

My narcissistic sister once said to me: “You know, Mom always said you were the selfish one. And honestly, she was right.”

Before? I would’ve spiraled into defending myself, proving my worth, going back and forth about who did what to whom.

Now? I said, “Yes, and I’ve realized I no longer need to explain myself to people who misunderstand me on purpose.”

She blinked. Paused. Then walked away. There was no drama. No fireworks. No emotional win for her. Just… nothing.

Another time, an ex who never took responsibility for anything texted me out of nowhere:

“I hope you’ve matured since you sabotaged our relationship.”

I replied: “Yes, and I’ve grown a lot, especially in seeing toxic dynamics for what they are.”

He didn’t reply.

Why? Because narcissists thrive on your need to be understood, to be seen, to be right. And when you stop performing for them, you become uninteresting. Powerless.

I’ve used this technique during phone calls, family dinners, texts, and even in front of mutual friends. I use it like armor, not to fight, but to deflect.

Because once they know you won’t react, they stop investing energy into trying to manipulate you. They move on to someone else who will.

The best part? It works even when you’re shaking on the inside. Because your strength isn’t in sounding tough, it’s in choosing peace over proving your point.

“YES, AND…” is me reclaiming space. Reclaiming dignity. Reclaiming my calm.

I use it daily. Quietly. Consistently. And every time, it works a little more.

What to Expect When You Start Using It?

You might expect instant peace. You won’t get it. Not at first.

Narcissists don’t let go of power easily. The moment they sense you’re no longer playing your usual role, the over-explainer, the justifier, the apologizer, they panic.

Expect it to get worse before it gets better. They might escalate. Throw in guilt trips. Fake apologies. Passive-aggressive comments. They’ll test you. They’ll bait you.

And when that doesn’t work, they’ll go lower. The key is consistency.

You have to stay in your lane. Stay grounded. Use the technique like a script until it becomes second nature.

It’ll feel robotic at first:

• “Yes, and I’ve moved on from that.”
• “Yes, and I don’t engage in those conversations anymore.”
• “Yes, and I hope you find peace.”

But as you keep using it, your nervous system starts to relax. Your mind gets sharper. You no longer dread conversations with them because you already know how they’ll play out, and you’ve got the upper hand.

Another thing to expect? People around you may not like this version of you.

You’re no longer feeding drama. No longer explaining your every move. No longer easy to guilty.

That will confuse people who were benefiting from your emotional exhaustion. And some of them will leave. Let them.

You’ll also start noticing a beautiful thing: the quiet.

The arguments stop. The manipulation loses its sting. You feel space opening up inside you where chaos used to live.

And one day, someone will try to bait you, and you’ll smile and say:

“Yes, and I’m done.”

Not because you memorized a tactic. But because you became someone who doesn’t need to be dragged into dysfunction to feel worthy anymore.

It’s not just a technique. It’s a transformation. Keep going. You’re becoming untouchable.

Common Mistakes I See People Make

1. Explaining Too Much

You’re not on trial. Don’t turn the “yes, and” into an invitation to justify yourself.

2. Using Sarcasm

Narcissists love to twist sarcasm into “proof” you’re the problem. Keep it neutral.

3. Breaking the Silence Too Soon

If they try to bait you into a longer back-and-forth, resist. Your silence is your boundary.

Quick Recap + Key Takeaways

• Narcissists thrive on emotional reactions. When you stop reacting, you starve the cycle.
• The “Yes, and…” technique isn’t about agreement; it’s about emotional neutrality.
• This tactic works because it keeps the power in your hands and removes their ability to twist your words.
• Real-life use will feel weird at first, but it gets easier, and you get stronger.
• Expect pushback. But don’t mistake their escalation for your failure. It’s actually a sign that your boundary is working.

Bottom line?

You don’t owe toxic people your energy. You don’t owe them an argument, a defense, or a scene. You owe yourself peace.

The “Yes, and…” technique is your exit ramp off the emotional rollercoaster and the entrance to a life where you call the shots.

Use it. Stand in it. Watch what happens next.

Final Thoughts

This isn’t about winning. It’s about not playing.

The “Yes, and…” technique isn’t magic. It’s just a small shift, but in the world of narcissists, even the smallest shift in power matters.

Because once you stop reacting the way they expect…

You become someone they can’t control.

You stop being a victim and start being untouchable.

And if that’s where you want to go next? That’s exactly what The Next Chapter was built for.

You survived them. Now let’s outgrow them.