Dating can feel like playing chess, except no one told you the rules, you’re missing half the pieces, and you’re trying to look cool while doing it.
I’ve been there, swiping until I thought I’d get carpal tunnel, overthinking every text, and somehow always ending up with the same issues. That’s when I decided to get some help in the form of books. Real ones. From real experts.
Below is a list of books that saved me from my own dating disasters, trust me, these are game-changers.
1. Just Send The Text by Candice Jalili
You know that moment when you’re staring at your phone, crafting the perfect message, only to chicken out at the last second? Yeah, Just Send The Text put an end to that madness for me.
Candice Jalili’s advice is like a no-nonsense pep talk from your best friend who tells you to stop overanalyzing and hit send already. After reading this, I stopped playing games and made the first move, spoiler: it actually works!
I sent a text to a guy I was into, and guess what? We ended up dating. This book made me realize we’re all wasting time worrying about things that, in the grand scheme, don’t matter.
2. Attached by Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
Ever dated someone who was super clingy or someone who ghosted you for days on end? Turns out, there’s a reason for that. In Attached, Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller explain attachment styles, and suddenly, everything about my dating history made sense.
I discovered that I was an anxious attacher (shocking, I know), and knowing this changed how I approached relationships. I stopped being so needy (well, mostly) and started looking for partners with more secure attachment styles.
Knowing your attachment type is like having a cheat code for dating—seriously, get this book.
3. 8 Rules of Love by Jay Shetty
Jay Shetty is basically that wise friend who’s been through it all and now radiates zen vibes. In 8 Rules of Love, Jay dishes out simple, actionable advice to help you stop screwing up your relationships.
One of the rules that hit me hard? Learning to be alone.
This book helped me realize the importance of self-love. After reading it, I took myself out on a date, and it was . . . weirdly liberating. Turns out, the key to dating better is knowing how to date yourself first.
4. The Final Swipe by Nikki Novo
Look, I’m as guilty as anyone of getting lost in the endless pit of dating apps. There was a time I would swipe while waiting for my coffee, on the subway, and heck, even in the bathroom (don’t judge).
Enter The Final Swipe by Nikki Novo, which made me realize that there’s more to life than swiping right. This book is all about trusting yourself and your intuition when it comes to love—so I took a break from the apps.
Honestly, best decision ever. I focused more on myself, my hobbies, and real-life connections, and the pressure of finding “the one” melted away.
5. How To Not Die Alone by Logan Ury
I mean, come on, how can you resist a title like that? How To Not Die Alone had me hooked from the first page.
Logan Ury digs into why we self-sabotage when it comes to love. From being overly picky to settling for situationships (guilty), this book calls you out in the best way.
After reading it, I realized I had a checklist for a partner that was longer than my grocery list. So, I tore it up and started dating people for who they were, not who I thought they should be. And guess what? It worked. No more waiting for someone perfect to appear—just someone real.
6. Stronger Than You Think by Dr. Gary Lewandowski
This book is like having a relationship coach in your pocket. Dr. Gary Lewandowski breaks down the hidden pitfalls in relationships that we don’t even realize we’re falling into.
His advice on communication was a total wake-up call for me. I always thought I was a great communicator (don’t we all?), but this book made me realize I wasn’t as good as I thought.
After a fight with a partner over where to order takeout (classic), I used some of the tips in the book to navigate the argument without spiraling. Spoiler: we got pizza, and the relationship was saved.
7. The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity by Esther Perel
Okay, I know this one seems like a downer, but hear me out. The State of Affairs by Esther Perel made me rethink everything I thought I knew about relationships. It dives into infidelity, yes, but it also explores trust, betrayal, and the complex dynamics that make relationships work.
While I haven’t dealt with cheating myself, this book gave me a deeper understanding of how fragile relationships can be and how important it is to cultivate trust.
8. 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman
This is the OG of relationship books. 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman made me realize that love isn’t a one-size-fits-all kind of deal.
You know when you’re giving someone your all, and they still don’t seem satisfied? It’s probably because you’re speaking different love languages.
I had no idea why my ex never appreciated the nice things I did for him—turns out, he needed words of affirmation, not gifts. After figuring out my own love language (acts of service, in case you were wondering), I stopped wondering why love felt like such a struggle.
9. Eight Dates by John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman
This book changed how I communicate in relationships. Eight Dates is all about having those deep, meaningful conversations that build intimacy—without the awkwardness.
Each date is designed to get you talking about the important stuff, like money, sex, and future plans, but in a way that’s not terrifying.
I’ve used the date ideas in this book with a partner, and they sparked some of the best conversations we’ve ever had. If you’re serious about building something long-lasting, this one’s a must-read.
