It’s that time of year again when the snow falls, the lights twinkle, and our bellies jiggle—not from too much eggnog, but from laughing too hard at the zaniest, wackiest Christmas quotes out there.
Who says Christmas can’t be a riot?
Whether you’re wrapping presents, baking cookies, or just chilling under your mistletoe-draped doorway, these quotes from movies, series, cartoons, and real-life folks are guaranteed to keep your spirits high and your frowns upside down.
Silly Christmas Quotes From Characters
- “Buddy the Elf, what’s your favorite color?” – Buddy, Elf
- “The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.” – Buddy, Elf
- “I planned out our whole day: First, we’ll make snow angels for two hours, and then we’ll go ice skating, and then we’ll eat a whole roll of Tollhouse Cookie-dough as fast as we can, and then to finish, we’ll snuggle.” – Buddy, Elf
- “First, we’ll make snow angels for two hours, then we’ll go ice skating, then we’ll eat a whole roll of Tollhouse cookie dough as fast as we can, and then we’ll snuggle.” – Buddy
- “I’m a cotton-headed ninny-muggins!” – Buddy, Elf
- “We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns, and syrup.” – Buddy, Elf
- “Son of a nutcracker!” – Buddy, Elf
- “I like smiling. Smiling’s my favorite.” – Buddy, Elf
- “He’s an angry elf.” – Buddy, Elf
- “Santa! I know him!” – Buddy, Elf
- “You sit on a throne of lies.” – Buddy, Elf
- “There’s room for everyone on the Nice List!” – Buddy, Elf
- “If you see a sign that says ‘Peep Show’, that doesn’t mean they’re letting you look at presents before Christmas.” – Buddy, Elf
- “Santa’s coming! I know him! I know him!” – Buddy, Elf
- “Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.” – Phineas, Phineas and Ferb
- “You’ll shoot your eye out, kid!” – Mrs. Parker, A Christmas Story
- The heavenly aroma still hung in the house. But it was gone! All gone! No turkey! No turkey sandwiches! No turkey salad! No turkey gravy! Turkey hash! Turkey a la king! Or gallons of turkey soup! Gone! All gone! – Ralphie, A Christmas Story
- “Seeing is believing, but sometimes the most real things in the world are the things we can’t see.” – The Conductor, The Polar Express
- “Just remember, the true spirit of Christmas lies in your heart.” – The Conductor, The Polar Express
- “Maybe Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Christmas…perhaps…means a little bit more!” – Narrator, How the Grinch Stole Christmas
- “The Grinch hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season! Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.” – Narrator, How the Grinch Stole Christmas
- “What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more?” – Narrator, How the Grinch Stole Christmas
- “Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?” – Clark Griswold, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
- Nobody’s walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. –Clark Griswold, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
- I don’t know what to say, but it’s Christmas and we’re all in misery. –Ellen, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
- “I never thought it was such a bad little tree. It’s not bad at all, really. Maybe it just needs a little love.” – Linus Van Pelt, A Charlie Brown Christmas
- “Isn’t there anyone who knows what Christmas is all about?” – Charlie Brown, A Charlie Brown Christmas
- “Oh, Christmas isn’t just a day, it’s a frame of mind.” – Kris Kringle, Miracle on 34th Street
- “Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa?” – Bart Simpson, The Simpsons
- “Do you want to build a snowman?” – Anna, Frozen
- “Why don’t you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it?” – Miracle Max, The Princess Bride
- “It’s Christmas Eve and we are going to go celebrate being young and being alive.” – Iris Simpkins, The Holiday
- “What’s Christmas without having your best friend to share it?” – Winnie the Pooh
- “There’s a certain magic that comes with the very first snow. For when the first snow is also a Christmas snow, well, something wonderful is bound to happen.” – Narrator, Frosty the Snowman
- “That’s what Christmas memories are made from, they’re not planned, they’re not scheduled, nobody puts them in their Blackberry, they just happen.” – Steve Finch, Deck the Halls
- “This is extremely important. Will you please tell Santa that instead of presents this year, I just want my family back?” – Kevin, Home Alone
- “I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.” – Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol
- We get one day a year to prove we’re not screw-ups and what do we do? We screw it up. – Myron, Jingle All the Way
- You guys are nothing but a bunch of sleazy con men in red suits. – Howard Langston, Jingle All the Way
- Howard, I’m of the mindset you can never do too much to make a child’s Christmas magical. – neighbor Ted, Jingle All the Way
- We’re your worst nightmare. Elves with attitude. – E.L.F.S. Leader, The Santa Clause
Non-Movie Silly Christmas Quotes
- “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red.” – Anonymous
- “Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.” – Phyllis Diller
- “Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work, and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.” – Anonymous
- “Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.” – Victor Borge
- “Christmas is a magical time of year… I just watched all my money magically disappear.” – Anonymous
- “It’s all fun and games until Santa checks the naughty list.” – Anonymous
- “This holiday season, in lieu of gifts, I’ve decided to give everyone my opinion.” – Anonymous
- “I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.” – Shirley Temple
- “Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.” – Andy Borowitz
- “Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.” – Andy Borowitz
- “Dear Santa, before I explain, how much do you know already?” – Anonymous
- “Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.” – Anonymous
- “It’s beginning to cost a lot like Christmas.” – Anonymous
- “Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.” – Norman Vincent Peale
- “Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip.” – Gary Allan
- “Christmas is the time when everyone wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.” – Phyllis Diller
- “You’re a lot like some of my Christmas tree ornaments. Bright, colorful…and broke.” – Anonymous
- “All I want for Christmas is you… to get out of my life.” – Anonymous
- “I know what I’m getting for Christmas… Fat. I’m getting fat.” – Anonymous
- “Christmas: the only time of year you can sit in front of a dead tree eating candy out of socks.” – Anonymous
- “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, but if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red.” – Anonymous
- “Christmas is mostly for children. But we adults can enjoy it too, until the credit card bills arrive.” – Anonymous
- “The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.” – Johnny Carson
- “Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.” – Larry Wilde
- “It’s the most wonderful time for a beer.” – Anonymous
- “Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.” – Johnny Carson
- “My husband’s idea of getting the Christmas spirit is to become Scrooge.” – Melanie White
- “I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly.” – Said about Christmas jelly, Anonymous
- “Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip.” – Gary Allan
- “Christmas is the season where you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.” – Anonymous
- “I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange.” – Henny Youngman
- “Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, must be a pacifist. What’s in that pipe that he’s smoking?” – Arlo Guthrie
- “I haven’t taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.” – Winston Spear
- “That’s not a candy cane in my pocket. I’m just glad to see you!” – Anonymous
- “A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.” – Garrison Keillor
- “Christmas: It’s the only religious holiday that’s also a federal holiday. That way, Christians can go to their services, and everyone else can sit at home and reflect on the true meaning of the separation of church and state.” – Samantha Bee
- “I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.” – Bernard Manning
- “Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.” – Kin Hubbard
- “I told Santa you were good this year and sent him a link to your Pinterest board.” – Anonymous
- “If you can’t wrap Christmas presents well, at least make it look like they put up a good fight.” – Anonymous
- “A Christmas miracle is when your family doesn’t get into a single argument all day.” – Anonymous
- “I love the excitement, the childlike spirit of innocence and just about everything that goes along with Christmas.” – Hillary Scott
- “Christmas is a box of tree ornaments that have become part of the family.” – Charles M. Schulz
- “It’s easier to feel a little more spiritual with a couple of bucks in your pocket.” – Craig Ferguson
- “If a fat man puts you in a bag at night, don’t worry I told Santa I wanted you for Christmas.” – Anonymous
- “Christmas is a race to see which gives out first – your money or your feet.” – Anonymous
- “I’m on the naughty list and I regret nothing!” – Anonymous
- “Christmas cookies can’t help but be retro… they’re just so last century.” – Anonymous
- “There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.” – Erma Bombeck
- “This is the message of Christmas: We are never alone.” – Taylor Caldwell
- “Don’t get your tinsel in a tangle.” – Anonymous
- “I haven’t taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.” – Anonymous
- “Christmas shopping: wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could put up some of the Christmas spirit in jars and open a jar of it every month?” – Harlan Miller
- “Three phrases that sum up Christmas are: Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men, and Batteries not Included.” – Anonymous
- “You know you’re getting old when Santa starts looking younger.” – Robert Paul
- “Why is it that at Christmas something in you gets so lonely for — I don’t know what exactly, but it’s something that you don’t mind so much not having at other times.” – Kate L. Bosher
- “Be careful with drinking this holiday season. I got so drunk last night I found myself dancing in a cheesy bar… or, as you like to call it, delicatessen.” – Sean Hughes
- “Christmas is like candy; it slowly melts in your mouth sweetening every taste bud, making you wish it could last forever.” – Richelle E. Goodrich
Laugh Till You Drop This Christmas!
This holiday season, while you’re decking the halls and perhaps inadvertently tangling a few lights, sprinkle in these quotes to keep the spirits merry and bright.
Whether they serve as icebreakers, card fillers, or just a little something to brighten your own festive routine, remember: every chuckle is a sparkle added to the holiday magic.
So, raise a glass (or a cookie), share a laugh, and toast to a season filled with joy, giggles, and the best kind of silliness. Merry Christmas, everyone—may your days be merry, bright, and outrageously funny!
