Okay, let’s be honest, relationships can be a hot mess sometimes. We’ve all been there, caught in the middle of an argument that’s spiraling out of control faster than you can say, “Let’s just agree to disagree.”
It’s in these moments that you realize conflict isn’t just a possibility in relationships—it’s a guarantee. But here’s the kicker: not all conflict has to end with slamming doors or dramatic walkouts. In fact, conflict can be healthy if you handle it right.
So, what does healthy conflict in a relationship actually sound like? Buckle up, because we’re diving into it. I promise to keep it real!
Taking a Breather
So, picture this: My husband and I are in the middle of what I like to call “The Great Pizza Debate of 2024.” You know, one of those arguments that starts over something as trivial as pizza toppings but somehow morphs into a full-blown discussion about our life choices.
It’s getting heated, voices raised, tension thick enough to cut with a knife. I can feel myself digging in, ready to defend my love for pineapple on pizza like it’s the hill I’m willing to die on. But then I remember something I read somewhere:
Sometimes, the best thing you can do in the middle of an argument is to take a damn breath.
So, I say, “Hey, I think we’re both getting a little worked up over these small things that don’t really matter. What if we hit pause, cool off for a minute, and then come back to it? What do you think?”
And you know what? It worked. We took a break, grabbed some water (and maybe a slice of non-pineapple pizza), and when we came back to the conversation, it was a whole lot more chill.
Seeing Each Other’s Side
Now, let’s talk about understanding where the other person is coming from because let’s face it, we all suck at this sometimes.
There was this one time when I was convinced my husband was just being difficult for the sake of it. We were debating whether or not we should spend the holidays with my family or his.
I was so locked into my own point of view, holidays with my family are sacred, non-negotiable, full stop that I completely missed the fact that he had his own traditions he was just as passionate about also.
But you know, relationships are supposed to be a two-way street, not a one-way highway to your own opinions.
So, instead of steamrolling ahead, I paused and said, “I get where you’re coming from. Your family traditions are important too. Can we find a way to do both?”
And surprise, surprise, we found a way to split the holidays, and it ended up being one of our best years yet.
Letting Go of Being Right
One time, my husband and I were arguing over the best way to deal with a squirrel that had taken up residence in our attic. I was all about the humane trap, while he was convinced we needed to call in professional exterminators.
The argument dragged on for days, each of us dead set on proving the other wrong. But then it hit me: Who cares if I’m right? The longer we argued, the longer that damn squirrel stayed in our attic.
So, I said, “You know what? It’s not about who’s right. Let’s just figure out how to get rid of this squirrel out of here before it throws a party and invites all its friends.”
We ended up calling the pros, and the squirrel saga came to an end without any more drama. What is the moral of the story? Sometimes, letting go of being right is the best way to win.
Navigating Non-Negotiables
Here’s a fun one: A while back, my husband decided to get himself a $126,000 Corvette because it was his dream car for a while. Of course, I wasn’t on board, we have expenses that take priority. He wasn’t being controlled or anything, but I had some serious reservations about it, like, “What if we need that money for an emergency for our son or us?” kind of reservations.
This was one of those non-negotiable things for both of us. He worked hard for years and wanted that care; I was worried about the finances as always.
Instead of digging my heels in, I tried to see it from his perspective. I said, “I get that you have been working so hard for years to save up for it. What if we compromise and look at our finances and go from there so I don’t need to worry sick about our financial situation?”
We ended up agreeing on that and he ended up getting the car and allowing me to see our full financial situation to have my peace of mind. it’s a Win-win.
Put An End To The Arguments That Go In Circle
Finally, let’s talk about those arguments that seem to go in circles forever. You know the ones I’m talking about, like the ongoing battle over who should take out the trash.
My husband and I used to have the same fight every month whenever his narcissistic dad expected me to be the tradition woman in the kitchen. I’d ask my husband to put this silly dad in place, he’d forget, I’d get annoyed, and we’d argue. Rinse and repeat.
One day, I realized we were stuck in this cycle, and it wasn’t getting us anywhere. So, I said, “We keep having this same argument, and it’s not helping either of us. How about we figure out a better system so we can stop fighting over this?”
We ended up setting a meeting to talk to his dad and the wars finally came to an end. His dad didn’t like it, but we didn’t care because our marriage is more important than his selfish needs. Sometimes, breaking the cycle is as simple as acknowledging it and working together to change it.
Conflict in relationships doesn’t have to be a train wreck. In fact, when handled with a little care, it can actually bring you closer together. The trick is to approach it not as a battle to be won, but as an opportunity to understand each other better and grow as a team.
So, the next time you find yourself in the middle of an argument, remember: It’s not about being right; it’s about being together.
And who knows? You might just come out of it with a stronger, more resilient relationship—and maybe even a good story to tell.
