Ever feel like your relationship is running on cruise control and then, bam! You hit a pothole? Yeah, it happens to all of us.
The truth is, relationships don’t exactly come with a GPS, there’s no “recalculating” when you’re fighting over who left the dirty laundry on the floor again.
Well, relationship check-in is your secret weapon for getting back on track before things blow up. And trust me, they’re not as awkward as you think.
Let’s dive into four refreshingly easy ways to do them (without needing a relationship therapist on speed dial).
1. The Weekly “What’s Up With Us?” Chat
Here’s the thing about checking in on your relationship: it doesn’t have to be some formal, candlelit event. Honestly, some of the best ones happen when you’re both lying on the couch in your PJs with pizza in hand.
This is basically the Gottman Institute’s famous “State of the Union,” but let’s be real, calling it that makes it sound like the President is involved. So, let’s call it what it is: a “What’s Up With Us?” chat.
Here’s how you do it:
- Take turns telling each other five specific things you appreciate. No “You’re great” fluff. Say stuff like, “I love that you didn’t murder me for watching ahead on our Netflix show,” or “Thanks for making coffee this morning. I didn’t die of caffeine withdrawal.”
- Chat about what went right. Relationships aren’t all doom and gloom, even if it feels like you’re stuck in a never-ending debate about whether pineapple belongs on pizza.
- Pick an issue to unpack. Yeah, this is the not-so-fun part, but hey, if you never talk about the tiny things, like why the dishwasher is always half-loaded wrong (you know what I mean), they’ll turn into World War III later on.
- Wrap it up with, “What can I do next week to make you feel more loved?” It sounds cheesy, but it’s gold. This is where the small stuff counts—like surprising them with their favorite snack or leaving them a ridiculous meme midweek.
The best part? You both end the chat feeling like partners in crime again, instead of two people just surviving another week of laundry and Netflix betrayals.
2. The “Rose, Bud, Thorn” Breakdown (No, It’s Not a Floral Arrangement)
This method might sound all fluffy, but it’s actually brilliant for getting real about your relationship in a non-scary way.
Here’s how it goes down: you both talk about the Rose (what’s going well), the Bud (what you’re looking forward to), and the Thorn (what’s bugging you). It’s like a low-key performance review, but you’re not getting fired at the end.
For example:
- Rose: “Honestly, I think we’ve been killing it with date nights lately. I didn’t know I could still enjoy a movie without checking my phone every five seconds.”
- Bud: “I’m really looking forward to our weekend getaway, mostly because I want to see how you survive without Wi-Fi for 48 hours.”
- Thorn: “I’ve noticed we’ve been bickering about dumb stuff. Can we figure out why the dishwasher is suddenly a source of rage?”
This one’s great because it’s casual but still makes you talk about what’s working and what’s not.
3. The RADAR Check-In (For When You Need a Game Plan)
If you’re like me and love a good checklist (because life is already chaotic), the RADAR method is for you. It’s a fancy acronym, but don’t worry, it’s not as intense as it sounds.
Basically, you’re reviewing the last month (or week, depending on how often you want to do this), choosing a few hot topics to discuss, and then figuring out how to take action.
- Review: Ask, “Okay, what’s been happening lately?” I usually start with something simple, like, “Remember that weekend when we didn’t argue once? Let’s do more of that.”
- Agenda: Pick what you need to talk about. Maybe it’s finances or planning your next trip. Or maybe you’re still stuck on whether or not you should actually watch that new show everyone’s raving about.
- Discuss: This is where you hash out the details. Think of it as a mini-debate, but without the yelling (ideally). Keep it productive, not passive-aggressive.
- Action: Make a plan. Even if the plan is “Let’s both chill out and stop trying to ‘win’ every argument.”
- Reconnect: End on a good note. Say something sweet, share a hug, or binge-watch that guilty pleasure show you both secretly love but would never admit to anyone else.
This method is perfect if you’re both the type who likes to have some structure but still want room to laugh about the absurdity of your week.
4. Pull Out a Relationship Card Deck (For When You Don’t Know What to Talk About)
I’ll be honest, sometimes I’m too tired to come up with things to talk about during a check-in. Enter relationship card decks. These are lifesavers when you’re mentally fried but still want to have a meaningful conversation.
There are a ton of different card decks out there designed specifically for couples, with questions like, “What do you think has been our biggest win this year?” or “What’s one thing I do that makes you feel most loved?”
It takes the pressure off because instead of trying to remember that thing you wanted to talk about two days ago (but forgot because life), you’ve got these prompts to spark deep, meaningful, or just fun conversations.
I’ve personally learned more about my partner from one card deck than I have from all our “deep talks” combined. Plus, there’s always a random question that makes us both laugh, which is a win in itself.
Keep It Fun and Real
Relationship check-ins don’t have to be these big, intimidating things where you sit down, look each other in the eyes, and prepare for the worst.
They’re your chance to reconnect, laugh, and figure out how to make things better, one argument at a time.
So yeah, do a check-in. It might just be the best 30 minutes you spend together all week—and who knows, maybe you’ll finally figure out who really needs to load the dishwasher.
