9 Signs Your Sister Hates You & How to Deal

Do you find yourself walking on eggshells around your sister, trying to avoid her wrath? Yep, me too.

Thanks to my narcissistic mom, my sister and I were basically estranged siblings. She pitted us against each other, labeling her the golden child, and me, the scapegoat.

But guess what? I was able to find my success, build fulfilling relationships, and leave that drama behind.

Now, I want to help you do the same!

Below, I’ll list the subtle and not-so-subtle signs your sister hates you, as well as how you can deal with and rise above this toxic relationship.

9 Undeniable Signs That Your Sister Hates You

Growing up, I’ve always wondered if my sister’s digs and passive-aggressive comments were just harmless sibling squabbles or something deeper.

Sure, sisterly love can take many forms, but some red flags made me realize there could be a deeper dislike lurking beneath the surface.

While you can’t crawl into your sister’s head (tempting, I know!), here are some telltale signs of a toxic sibling that might explain her less-than-loving behavior:

1. She’s the Happiest When You Fail

One of the obvious signs you have a toxic sibling relationship with your sister is when she seems to find a twisted pleasure in your failures.

I remember pouring my heart and soul into a promotion I was up for.

When the news came that it went to someone else, instead of a supportive shoulder, all I got was a barbed comment about her “not being surprised” that happened.

It took me quite some time to realize that her happiness at my failures was a reflection of her insecurities, not my shortcomings.

2. She Would Make Time for Her Friends and Not You

In a healthy sibling relationship, sisters make time for each other even when they all live busy lives.

The occasional “I can’t right now” excuses are normal, of course.

However, if she’s able to drop everything for others without a second thought but won’t do the same for you, it might be a sign that your sibling doesn’t prioritize your relationship.

Think about it: Do your calls go unanswered while her friends get spontaneous brunches?

It might not just be forgetfulness. It could be a deeper issue of emotional neglect, where you might feel like you’re an afterthought in your own family.

3. She Doesn’t Share Personal Information or Emotions With You

Ever feel like pulling teeth trying to get a genuine reaction from your sister? Like, pretty much every time you talk, you can’t sense any give and take of emotions?

I get it. I have the same relationship with my sister.

Those late-night chats under the covers, whispering secrets and giggling over shared dreams? Not everyone has that.

For me, sisterly bonding looked more like prying open a rusty treasure chest – guarded, silent, and offering nothing but air. 

Of course, it’s worth mentioning that one sibling may naturally be more reserved.

But if your sister’s emotional distance feels deliberate and hurtful, it could be a sign of deeper issues within your relationship.

4. She Is Dismissive or Criticizes You Frequently

Are you familiar with “well-meaning” comments disguised as “constructive criticism?” Yeah, me too. Mine were more like backhanded compliments dipped in acid.

“That dress is… interesting,” she’d say. Or, “He seems… nice,” followed by a knowing smirk that implied anything but.

If your sis has hated every person you’ve ever dated, questioned every career move, and found fault with every life choice you’ve made, it’s not just “sibling honesty” – it’s a toxic pattern.

While constructive criticism can be helpful, they’re toxic when it becomes a relentless pattern.

This negativity could stem from several places. For example, a toxic sibling may simply enjoy feeling superior, or perhaps a jealous sister can’t handle seeing your shine.

5. She Shows Little Interest in Your Life or Achievements

Some sisters might not be the confetti-throwing, jumping-for-joy type.

But a complete lack of interest in your life’s milestones can be a clear sign of toxicity in sibling relationships.

I noticed how different my relationships were with my sister versus my cousin when I shared an important milestone with her.

She didn’t ask for every detail, but she showed genuine care about my life and was happy to see me succeed.

That’s when I learned that I can choose who I surround myself with.

I’d rather build a relationship with someone who makes me feel seen and valued than a sister who turns a blind eye to my accomplishments.

She might not always understand your passions, but if your sister is incapable of celebrating your wins—big or small—it’s a sign that there’s an issue.

6. She Competes With You Constantly

There’s always playful competitiveness in every sibling duo. It could be a friendly banter about who can bake the best cookies or who finishes the crossword puzzle faster.

But when one sister constantly wants to one-up the other, it crosses the line into emotional manipulation and negativity.

In my experience, my sister’s competitiveness stemmed from her deep-rooted insecurities and a desire for control.

She is the golden child, after all. So, in her mind, she deserves all the admiration and attention, not me, the black sheep.

7. She Blames You for Things Out of Your Control

Even at a young age, I’ve always suspected that our relationship could be toxic.

You see, in our family, my golden child sister was always the only one who emerged unscathed from my mom’s bad mood.

And me? I get the blame for everything, from broken vases to burnt dinners.

Because my narcissistic mother treated me as her scapegoat, my sister learned to do the same.

She painted me as the sole culprit for anything and everything, absolving herself of any fault in the matter.

Toxic people are masters of deflection, and siblings often play into these dynamics in a dysfunctional family.

If you notice the same pattern in your relationship with your sibling, your sister might dislike or even secretly hate you.

8. She Doesn’t Offer Support or Empathy in Difficult Times

Think back to a time when you were going through a rough breakup. Did your sister offer a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, or even a simple “I’m here for you?”

Or did she, like my sister, brush it off with a dismissive “get over it” and change the subject entirely?

Yeah, that’s a major sign your relationship with your sister could be treading on toxic territory.

Healthy siblings, even when they disagree, offer support and empathy during difficult times.

They might not have all the answers, but they create a safe space for vulnerability and understanding.

When your sister consistently downplays your struggles, offers no emotional support, and still acts like your pain is an inconvenience, it’s possible that she just hates you.

9. She Expresses Resentment or Jealousy Openly

I see this in my sister all the time. Not only does she throw shade whenever I achieve something good but also openly resent my happiness.

She’ll make snide remarks about my new job or my successful relationship.

Siblings may occasionally tease or disagree, but when she openly expresses negativity towards your achievements or happiness, that’s something more serious.

Another sign your sister is jealous is when her resentment or jealousy becomes blatant and hurtful.

You’re not expecting them to be your biggest cheerleader, but a good sister wouldn’t actively tear you down, right?

Why Does Your Sister Hate You That Much?

There are complex dynamics at play that may contribute to why your sibling hates you.

It’s also possible that what might seem like hatred is driven by deeper emotions like hurt, insecurity, or a cry for help.

That said, speaking from my experience with my sister, here are possible reasons behind her actions:

Firstly, she may be competing for attention from your parents. This is common in families where there is a history of favoritism or where one child feels neglected.

Secondly, your sister may be playing the victim. My sister manipulates situations to make herself appear like the underdog and I, the villain.

This tactic can be effective in garnering sympathy from others, especially the parents’ sympathy.

Thirdly, it could be a sign of jealousy. Maybe your successes in life, relationships, or career make your brother or sister feel insecure about their achievements.

If you’re concerned about the relationship, tell someone about it, like a trusted adult or a therapist who can help you navigate the situation in a healthy and productive way.

This way, you can gain clarity on the dynamics at play and work towards resolving conflicts or improving the relationship if both parties are willing to do so.

How Do You Deal With a Toxic Sister Who Hates You?

It’s natural to yearn for a healthy relationship with your sibling, but if she secretly dislikes you, it can take some work.

Here are proactive steps you can take to address the negativity or at least protect your well-being:

Frequently Asked Questions