Ever feel like no matter how hard you try, you just can’t cut off that narcissist? It’s not because you’re weak. It’s because you’re feeding the wrong wolf. And narcissists thrive when you do.
This idea comes from an old Native American story about a battle between two wolves inside all of us.
One wolf represents fear, guilt, self-doubt, and anger. The other stands for peace, self-respect, and strength. The wolf that wins is the one you feed.
Narcissists know this, which is why they do everything they can to make sure you keep feeding the wrong one.
Table of Contents
The Two Wolves Inside You
Inside every person, there’s a battle:
- The Bad Wolf: Fear, guilt, self-doubt, and the endless need to prove yourself.
- The Good Wolf: Strength, confidence, peace, and the ability to walk away from what no longer serves you.
Which one grows stronger? The one you give the most attention.
If you’re still struggling to break free from a narcissist, it’s not because they’re too powerful. It’s because they’ve convinced you to keep feeding the wrong wolf.
How Narcissists Keep You Feeding the Dark Wolf
1. They Use Guilt to Keep You Stuck
The moment you try to step away, narcissists manipulate you with guilt. They say things like:
- “After everything I’ve done for you, this is how you treat me?”
- “You’re just being dramatic.”
- “Family is supposed to stick together.”
They don’t care about your well-being. They care about keeping their control. And every time you let guilt pull you back in, you’re feeding the wrong wolf.
2. They Keep You Hoping for Closure
Narcissists never give closure because they don’t want you to move on. They leave conversations unfinished, twist the truth, and make you question yourself.
So you keep waiting. You keep hoping for that final moment when they’ll acknowledge the damage they’ve done. But it never comes.
The more you chase closure from someone incapable of giving it, the more power they have over you.
3. They Trap You in Drama
Narcissists thrive on keeping you emotionally exhausted. They provoke arguments, gaslight you, and push your buttons just to get a reaction.
Every time you defend yourself, explain your actions, or engage in their chaos, you’re feeding the wrong wolf. You’re giving them exactly what they want, your energy.
4. They Make You Afraid of What Others Will Think
Fear of judgment is one of the biggest reasons people stay in toxic relationships. Narcissists plant that fear by saying things like:
- “Everyone will think you’re the bad guy.”
- “No one will believe you.”
- “You’ll regret this when you’re alone.”
They want you isolated and dependent on their version of reality. But the truth is the people who matter won’t judge you for protecting your peace.
5. They Convince You They’ll Change
Narcissists are masters of false hope. Just when you’re ready to leave, they throw you a breadcrumb of kindness. They might apologize, promise to do better or act like they finally understand.
It’s a trap. They aren’t changing. They’re just resetting the cycle. And if you stay, you’ll keep feeding the belief that their potential is worth the pain.
How to Start Feeding the Right Wolf
If you want to break free, you have to make a different choice. You have to stop feeding the fear, the guilt, and the endless cycle of second chances.
Instead, start feeding the part of you that knows you deserve better.
1. Choose Peace Over Chaos
The more time you spend around narcissists, the more their chaos feels normal. But normal doesn’t mean healthy. Cutting them off isn’t about revenge. It’s about peace.
2. Set Boundaries Without Explaining Yourself
Narcissists will demand explanations, but you don’t owe them one. They’ll never accept your reasons anyway. Say no. Walk away. End the conversation.
3. Stop Engaging in Their Drama
You don’t have to respond to every message, defend every action, or correct every lie. The best way to win against a narcissist is to refuse to play their game.
4. Cut Contact and Stick to It
No contact means no contact. Blocking isn’t petty. It’s protection. Muting them on social media isn’t overreacting. It’s removing unnecessary triggers.
5. Give Yourself the Closure They Never Will
The biggest shift happens when you realize closure doesn’t come from them. It comes from deciding, on your own terms, that you’re done.
The Wolf You Feed is the Life You Create
Narcissists don’t win because they’re stronger. They win because they keep you feeding the wrong wolf.
When you stop giving them your attention, your energy, and your hope, they lose their power. And you gain yours back.
If you’re struggling to cut off a narcissist, ask yourself: Which wolf have you been feeding? And which one are you going to feed now?
