What Happened When I Went No Contact with My Narcissistic Ex: I Didn’t Expect This!

Going no contact with a narcissistic ex is one of the toughest decisions I’ve ever made.

I thought I knew exactly what was going to happen. After all, the advice is clear: cut them off, heal, move on.

It sounded simple enough, right? But, wow, what actually happened was a lot more complicated than I ever expected.

I’ve learned a lot since then, and I want to share that with you.

If you’ve found yourself considering no contact or are in the middle of it, this is for you.

I’ll walk you through what happened, what I wasn’t prepared for, and why it turned out to be one of the best things I’ve ever done, even if it wasn’t easy.

Understanding Narcissistic Relationships

Let’s get one thing straight: narcissistic relationships are a whole different ballgame.

At first, they seem like a dream. Narcissists know how to make you feel like you’re the only person in the world. They love-bomb you. They’re charming, sweet, and make you feel special, at least for a while.

But eventually, the mask slips. They stop being attentive and start being controlling.

You’ll notice the gaslighting, the manipulation, and the constant need for validation. You try to set boundaries, but they cross them… again and again.

You’ll feel emotionally drained, confused, and, honestly, you’ll start doubting your own sanity. It’s like walking on eggshells all the time.

But the thing is, once you realize you’re stuck in this cycle, getting out isn’t easy. It takes more than just “walking away.”

The Decision to Go No Contact

So, I hit a breaking point. It wasn’t an overnight decision. It came after months (maybe years) of trying everything to make the relationship work.

But it wasn’t working.

And no matter how much I hoped they’d change, I had to face the truth… nothing was going to change.

That’s when I knew I had to go no contact.

I had to protect myself, even if it felt like I was losing a piece of me in the process. I had to stop being in a relationship that made me feel less than who I was.

For those thinking about it, I get it. You might feel guilty, anxious, or even scared of what will happen. But you have to understand, no contact isn’t about punishing them, it’s about saving yourself.

The Immediate Reaction (What I Expected)

I thought I’d feel relief right away. I imagined waking up the next day, feeling free, like a weight had been lifted. I expected to feel empowered and maybe even a little smug that I had finally taken control.

And then, of course, I thought my ex would come running back. Narcissists don’t like being ignored.

I was expecting angry messages, love-bombing texts, or attempts to reel me back in with promises to change. Maybe even a little gaslighting to make me feel guilty. It was all so predictable, right?

But here’s the twist: what I didn’t expect was the emotional rollercoaster that would follow.

Sure, I felt relief for a bit, but I also felt intense grief. It was like mourning the death of a relationship I knew wasn’t good for me.

The good memories still hung around, making it harder to fully let go.

The Unexpected Results

Here’s the part that threw me off: The more time went by, the more I started to rediscover myself.

It wasn’t instant. At first, it felt like something was missing, like I was floating through life without a solid anchor. But then, slowly, I began to see things more clearly.

Going no contact gave me space. Space to think, to breathe, to heal. And more importantly, it allowed me to see the full extent of the emotional manipulation I had been under.

I started to realize how much I had been gaslighted, how much my own reality had been warped. And that’s when things began to shift.

As for my ex? They didn’t react the way I thought they would.

Sure, there were some attempts to hoover, like a text here or there, but nothing huge. The silence spoke volumes. And the more they stayed silent, the more I saw how toxic they were.

The Psychological Impact of No Contact

The psychological effects of no contact are more powerful than I ever imagined. It’s hard at first. You’ll miss the validation, even though you know deep down it was never real.

But over time, it becomes clear… You are better off without them.

No contact is like breaking an addiction. Narcissists are masters of intermittent reinforcement. One minute they’re giving you everything, the next minute, they’re pulling back.

It messes with your head and creates this cycle that’s tough to escape. But once you break free from that cycle, your brain gets a chance to heal.

Studies show that narcissistic abuse can lead to a condition called “trauma bonding,” which creates an unhealthy attachment to the abuser.

Experts agree that breaking the cycle through no contact is one of the most effective ways to heal from this type of abuse.

It doesn’t happen overnight. But as time went on, I began to feel more grounded, more connected to who I truly am.

My self-worth wasn’t tied to their approval anymore.

I was starting to realize that I get to decide who I am and how I feel.

What I Learned from Going No Contact

Going no contact was honestly one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made but also one of the most empowering.

I learned so much about myself. About my strength, my boundaries, and what I’m truly worth.

The most important thing I took away from this experience? I’m not responsible for someone else’s emotions, especially if they’ve been abusive.

It’s not my job to fix them. My job is to take care of myself.

And that’s exactly what no contact allowed me to do.