I didn’t think he’d notice. Not really.
After everything… after the silent treatments, the twisted words, the endless second chances, I figured walking away would be the end of it. Quiet. Final. Done.
But that’s not how narcissists work.
The moment I stopped caring, the moment I really started moving on… that’s when he came back.
Suddenly, he was “thinking about me.” “Missing what we had.” And just like that, I was being pulled back into a conversation I never asked to have.
If you’ve ever dealt with someone like this, you know.
You know the moment they feel you slipping away, they snap right back in like nothing ever happened, Like they’re the one being wronged.
Let me tell you what I learned the hard way: It’s not about love. It never was.
Table of Contents
What Moving On Looks Like
It doesn’t look like fireworks. There’s no big “aha” moment. It’s quiet. It’s in the little choices.
You stop explaining yourself. You stop checking their socials. You stop wondering if they’ll ever change.
For me, it started when I realized I was spending more time hurting than healing. I didn’t want to be stuck in the same story anymore.
So I pulled back. Quietly. No warning. No closure. I just… stopped.
And that’s when he noticed.
Common Narcissistic Reactions After a Breakup
The Hoovering
First came the check-in text. “Hey. Just wanted to see how you’re doing.”
Then came the guilt trip. “I know I wasn’t perfect, but I always cared.”
And finally, the love bomb. “I’ve never felt the way I did with you. I miss us.”
Dr. Ramani says it best: “The hoover maneuver isn’t love, it’s panic.”
He didn’t miss me. He missed the attention. The control. The feeling of being needed.
I didn’t fall for it this time. I’d seen the cycle before. And I was done.
The Rage or Smear Campaign
When sweet didn’t work, the tone changed. Suddenly, I was the problem. Cold. Ungrateful. “Throwing away something real.”
He started playing the victim to mutual friends. Spinning the story. Making it sound like I just walked away for no reason.
“When a narcissist can’t control you,” they say, “they try to control how others see you.”
It used to work. Not anymore.
Triangulation
A week later, he was posting someone new. Candlelit dinners. Inside jokes. The whole act.
And I’d be lying if I said it didn’t sting. For a second, I wondered if she was getting the version of him I always wanted.
But I know better now. That wasn’t love, it was leverage. A calculated attempt to get under my skin.
He wasn’t moving on. He was performing.
The “Changed” Persona
Eventually, the messages started again. This time, different.
“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.”
“I’ve started therapy.”
“I finally get it.”
And maybe he thought he meant it. But real change? It’s quiet. It’s consistent. It doesn’t beg for an audience.
I waited for actions. They never came.
Why Do Narcissists React This Way?
The thing is, narcissists don’t handle loss well, especially not the kind where they’re ignored.
It’s not heartbreak. It’s ego.
As Shahida Arabi says, “Your peace is offensive to them.” And she’s right. They don’t know what to do when you stop playing the game.
They don’t miss you. They miss the control they had over you. The chaos. The reactions. The high.
Without you feeding that, they’re just… powerless.
Why You Might Still Feel Pulled?
Even knowing all of this, I still had moments where I wondered if I’d made a mistake. It’s embarrassing to admit, but I missed him.
And I hated that I missed him.
That’s the trauma bond. It keeps you craving the same person who broke you. You’re not missing real love, you’re missing the chemical chaos your brain got addicted to.
Dr. Patrick Carnes calls it survival wiring gone wrong. And that’s exactly how it felt.
It’s not a weakness. It’s conditioning. But it can be broken.
How I Stayed Gone?
I blocked the number. Deleted the threads. Stopped checking the profile.
But more than that, I started telling myself the truth. Over and over.
He didn’t love me. He loved controlling me.
He didn’t protect me. He confused me.
He didn’t lose me. He lost access to me.
I wrote it down. Said it out loud. Read it when I wanted to go back.
And little by little, I felt like myself again.
You Don’t Owe Them a Damn Thing
You don’t owe them a reply. You don’t owe them closure. You don’t owe them access just because they realized what they lost.
They had their chance. You gave it, maybe more times than you should’ve. I know I did.
But now? Now you’re free. And that’s the kind of peace they’ll never understand.
