What to Do When Your Sister Betrays You? My Smart Ways

Life throws curveballs, but perhaps the greatest heartache comes when a close family member does something to hurt you behind your back.

Trust me. I know firsthand how it feels to be betrayed by someone I thought would always have my back.

My sister threw me under the bus in my time of need, and that left me not only lost but heartbroken. I felt completely blindsided and couldn’t understand why she would do this.

But even if she didn’t show a hint of remorse for what she did, I refused to let my anger consume me.

Think you’re going through the same thing? If you have no idea what to do when your sister betrays you, let me share how I dealt with it and rebuilt my life.

Because if I was able to find peace and be happy again, there’s no reason you can’t heal and move forward, too.

What to Do When Your Sister Betrays You?

The hurt and confusion of a sister’s betrayal can be overwhelming.

But as the initial shock and hurt begin to fade, you’re left wondering, “How do you deal with a sibling betrayal?”

While there’s no one-size-fits-all answer, here are some strategies that helped me handle this difficult situation and ultimately find peace:

1. Reflect on the Situation and Your Feelings First and Foremost

Family betrayal, especially from a sister, can be incredibly confusing and leave you questioning everything.

But before you do anything, take a step back to process your feelings and truly understand what’s going on.

Was there a history of conflict or competition within your immediate family? Did your sister feel insecure or threatened by your life choices?

By answering these questions and understanding how the betrayal made you feel, you’ll gain a clearer perspective of the situation and the motivations behind her actions.

That way, you can formulate a plan on how you want to move forward.

2. Write a Letter to Your Sister and Send It

While writing a letter might seem counterintuitive after experiencing such deep betrayal, putting what you’re feeling down into words can be incredibly cathartic.

In my case, I wrote a detailed letter expressing my feelings of betrayal when my sister, instead of helping me, took the side of my aunt who stole most of my life savings when I was eight months pregnant.

What’s worse, she called on everyone in the family to cut ties with me on social media.

While I never received a response, the process of writing the letter allowed me to articulate my hurt and anger in a safe space, ultimately helping me to begin to cope and move forward.

3. Plan a Conversation With Your Sister

The initial urge after betrayal might be to cut ties completely, but sometimes a conversation with your sister, if you’re ready, can be a step towards healing.

That said, it’s crucial to approach this conversation with caution and clear intentions.

Make sure you’ve had ample time to process your negative feelings and have a clear understanding of what you want to achieve from the conversation.

Reconciliation is not the only goal here. It could be simply expressing your hurt, setting boundaries, or gaining closure.

For me, despite my sister’s motivations to gain favor within the family, I never attempted a conversation.

The betrayal cut too deep, and I prioritized my well-being and the well-being of my child.

4. Seek Support From Trusted Friends or Family Members

Having a safe space to process my emotions, vent my frustrations, and simply be heard can be therapeutic.

Get in touch with trusted friends and relatives for support. Your loved ones can help you work through the complex emotions you’re experiencing.

They can also help you move past the pain and provide you with that much-needed sense of connection.

For me, I knew that the situation with my immediate family was beyond repair.

Thankfully, I was still fortunate to have supportive cousins and my amazing husband who stood by me and helped me rebuild my life.

5. Engage in Self-Care Activities

Anyone betrayed by family might feel the need to get revenge or retaliate.

But I’m familiar with the destructive nature of having anger and resentment in your heart. I learned this early on growing up with a narcissistic mother.

So, I chose to focus on prioritizing self-care and showing myself the love and compassion I deserve instead.

I did regular exercise and meditation, spent time in nature, and pursued hobbies that brought me joy.

Yes, the urge to lash out right after learning about the betrayal might be understandable, but it’s best that you don’t let that anger consume you.

6. Set Boundaries With Your Sister Moving Forward

After reflecting on what happened, it became clear to me that rebuilding my trust with my sister would be an arduous, if not impossible, task.

Therefore, I made the conscious decision to establish firm boundaries with her moving forward. This meant limiting and being mindful of what information I shared with her.

I’ve also refrained from engaging in any behavior that might invite further manipulation or drama from her.

While the relationship may never fully recover, establishing these boundaries will allow you to reclaim a sense of control.

7. Explore Forgiveness at Your Own Pace

Forgiving someone is a complex journey, and there’s no right or wrong timeline.

Only you can say if you’ll ever forgive the person who hurt you. Maybe there is a chance there if they change their behavior, but it’s really up to you.

Personally, I am open to giving them my forgiveness if they acknowledge the hurt they caused. But before they do, I’ve chosen to forgive myself instead.

I understand that I played no role in their betrayal, and holding onto self-blame wouldn’t serve me.

Remember, the decision to forgive the person who betrayed you, and when to do so, is entirely personal. More importantly, it is not a requirement for moving forward. 

8. Reflect on the Relationship

This introspection helped me understand the dynamics at play, identify any unhealthy patterns, and ultimately decide how I want to move forward.

I considered the history of our relationship, past conflicts or unresolved issues, and anything else that may have contributed to the situation.

I speak from experience when I say that doing this can be emotionally challenging.

However, you must do it to begin to heal from the betrayal trauma and make informed decisions about future interactions with your sister or even your entire family.

It’s not about assigning blame but about gaining clarity and insight into the situation to guide your path forward.

9. Talk to a Therapist if You Need It

Betrayals are painful, and the emotional wounds left can be deep and long-lasting.

A therapist can help you understand the possible root causes of the betrayal, both within the family dynamics and your emotional responses.

A good therapist can equip you with the tools and resources you need to process the betrayal and move forward in a healthy and constructive way.

Remember, there’s no shame in seeking professional help.

What Does Sister Betrayal Feel Like?

Being betrayed by a sister can feel like a deep and personal wound, inflicting a sharp pain that cuts through trust, love, and shared history.

It’s a violation of the bond you thought you shared, so you’ll naturally feel confused, hurt, and angry.

My relationship with my sister wasn’t exactly like in the movies, but her betrayal still felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me.

The initial shock and disbelief can be overwhelming, followed by a wave of sadness and even anger.

Expect it to be difficult to reconcile the image of the sister you knew with the person who inflicted this pain.

The experience can also chip away at your self-esteem, leaving you feeling vulnerable and questioning your judgment.

Healing from such a betrayal takes time and effort.

You’ll have to process the complex emotions, allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship you once had, and eventually learn to let go of what happened.

The pain may never fully disappear, but you can learn to move forward with healthier boundaries and a stronger sense of self.

How Do You Treat a Sister Who Betrayed You?

How you treat the one who betrayed you is a complex decision, one with no single answer that fits all situations.

It will depend on several factors, such as the severity of the betrayal, your emotional state, and whether the betrayer is willing to take responsibility and make amends.

As for me, the best decision for my well-being then was to walk away, especially after observing my sister’s continued toxic behavior.

While the adage proclaims that blood is thicker than water, it doesn’t always hold true for all.

Being related by blood doesn’t mean you’re obligated to maintain a relationship that harms your mental health.

You don’t owe your sister anything, including forgiveness or another chance. Focus on what feels right for you, but don’t hold onto anger or resentment.

Frequently Asked Questions