When The Scapegoat Leaves The Family: Breaking Free From My Toxic Family System

Ever wondered what will happen when the scapegoat leaves the family?

I know from personal experience that it’s a decision filled with mixed emotions and uncertainty. When I made that choice, I felt a strange blend of liberation and trepidation.

It’s like stepping out of a never-ending play where you’ve always played the same role, one you never auditioned for.

The questions that follow are like whispers in the wind: Will the family notice? Will they change? What about your own healing?

Below, we’ll explore the profound impact of the scapegoat’s departure, from the void it leaves to the potential for personal growth.

What Happens When the Scapegoat Leaves the Family? 

A lot of things would happen if the scapegoat goes no contact, but one thing’s for sure: it will be a real turning point in their life.

You see, it’s not a walk in the park when you get blamed for everything and anything that happens in the family. I’ve been there, and let me tell you, it’s not a fun place to be.

Here’s what happens when you the scapegoat decide to leave your toxic family:

Scapegoats often carry emotional scars from years of being mistreated and may struggle with self-doubt, hypervigilance, and even unresolved mental health issues.

What Happens to a Narcissistic Family After the Scapegoat Leaves?

When the scapegoat leaves a narcissistic family, it often disrupts the family’s established dynamic, leaving a void in the role that the scapegoat once played.

The narcissistic family members may experience confusion, tension, or a need to find a new scapegoat to bear the brunt of their issues.

This can lead to a reshuffling of power and control within the family.

You see, in narcissistic families, the narcissistic parent typically holds the most power and control, and the scapegoat often becomes the abuser’s main target.

When the scapegoat leaves their family, the narcissistic abuser may feel a loss of that power and control.

The remaining family experiences a reshaping of their dysfunctional family dynamics, and the new scapegoat may suffer similar mistreatment as the previous one.

In short, the narcissist’s need for a target doesn’t disappear when the original scapegoat leaves. They simply redirect their abusive behaviors toward someone else.

7 Changes in the Narcissist Family Dynamic When the Scapegoat Leaves

Leaving a narcissistic family as the scapegoat can be an incredibly challenging decision, but it’s often a step toward healing and self-preservation.

Yet, while the escape offers relief for the scapegoat, it also triggers significant shifts within the family dynamic.

To shed light on the ongoing struggles of scapegoats, here are seven changes that frequently occur when they decide to break free from the abusive family system.

1. Temporary Calm

After severing ties with my narcissistic family, there was a moment of temporary calm that washed over my life. It was like stepping out of a turbulent sea onto solid ground.

For the first time in years, the relentless storm of narcissism that had surrounded me began to dissipate.

The weight of constant blame, criticism, and manipulation lifted, and I could finally breathe. It felt as if the sinking ship that was my family’s toxic dynamic had temporarily settled.

During this respite, I had a chance to reflect, heal, and rebuild my life on my terms.

The calm allowed me to regain my strength and envision a brighter future beyond the stormy waters of my past.

2. Shifts in Power Dynamics

Leaving my narcissistic family triggered noticeable shifts in the power dynamics that had long governed our relationships.

Without me to bear the brunt of my mother’s wrath, there was a momentary sense of vulnerability.

Her flying monkeys and enablers who had played their roles in perpetuating the toxicity suddenly found themselves navigating uncharted waters.

The abusive parent lost some of their control, and the family dynamic felt temporarily disrupted.

This shift, while unsettling, provided a glimpse of the dysfunctional structures that had kept me trapped.

It was an important moment where the unhealthy patterns became more apparent, motivating me to break free and eventually regain my power outside of that toxic environment.

3. Confusion and Reorganization

Since the person who used to be the target of the main abuser is no longer around, that kind of shakes things up.

The family members are left scratching their heads, trying to figure out how to reorganize without their usual punching bag.

I’ve been there, and this phase can be confusing, but it’s also a time of potential change.

As I found my footing outside of that toxic environment, I could begin to build healthier relationships and set boundaries that were once impossible.

The chaos, in a strange way, became a catalyst for my personal growth and self-discovery.

4. Guilt and Manipulation

After the scapegoat leaves, the abusive parent may resort to manipulation tactics to regain control.

Gaslighting becomes a tool to make the scapegoat doubt their decision to leave, painting them as the one at fault.

Love bombing might also make an appearance, with the narcissistic parent showering affection on the scapegoat to manipulate them back in.

I witnessed this manipulation firsthand.

The guilt trip is a heavy burden to bear, and it’s challenging to resist the lure of love bombing.

However, recognizing these tactics and staying firm in my decision to break free was a crucial step toward my healing and personal growth.

It wasn’t easy, but it was necessary for my well-being.

5. Attempts to Recruit Allies

It’s like they’re on a mission to rally support and maintain control.

They try to manipulate the rest of the family by painting the scapegoat as the “problem” and encouraging them to harass the scapegoat.

In reality, it is a strategy to keep everyone in line and continue the toxic dynamics.

I saw this happen. My own mother tried to turn my siblings and other relatives against me, portraying me as the “troublemaker” who abandoned the family.

It was a painful ordeal, but it solidified my decision to break free and seek healthier, more supportive relationships outside of that toxic circle.

6. Search for a New Scapegoat

The role the scapegoat plays is something a narcissist cannot simply give up. So, when the scapegoat leaves, it’s like a vacuum is created, a void that the abuser can’t bear for long.

What happens then is that the abuser looks for a new target, a new scapegoat to take the old one’s place.

This is so that the abuser can continue their toxic behavior, keeping the dysfunctional cycle intact.

The narcissist turns to other family members to fill the void left by the scapegoat, attempting to manipulate and control them in a similar fashion.

This often leaves division and tension within the family, as some may comply with the abuser’s demands while others resist.

7. Continuation of Dysfunctional Patterns

The dysfunctional patterns within the family’s dynamics may continue to persist even after the scapegoat cuts contact. It’s like an ingrained habit that’s hard to break.

Blaming the scapegoat is often replaced with shifting the blame onto someone else, maintaining the toxic cycle.

In my experience, this cycle remained evident.

Even after I left, the family’s dysfunction didn’t magically disappear. Instead, the same behaviors simply found new targets, and the blaming and manipulation carried on.

It was a stark reminder that escaping that role was just the beginning of a long and often challenging journey toward healing and finding healthier relationships.

What Happens to the Golden Child When the Family Scapegoat Leaves?

When the scapegoat leaves, the golden child’s world can get a bit topsy-turvy.

Let me paint a few scenarios that show how the golden child might react when the family scapegoat leaves.

I can relate to this because my sister was thrilled when I got cut off from the family. In her mind, I was casting a shadow on her with my achievements, and she couldn’t handle it.

Why Does the Scapegoat Experience So Much Narcissistic Abuse?

The narcissistic abuse the family scapegoat endures raises the question of why this dynamic is so prevalent within dysfunctional families.

When the scapegoat is treated as the family’s punching bag, they become a convenient target to soak up all the family’s problems and dodge responsibility.

They are also often the ones who dare to challenge the family’s messed-up dynamics, and that doesn’t sit well with everyone else.

So, instead of facing the issues, the family piles it all on the scapegoat, making them the bad guys. It’s a bit like a smoke screen that lets the rest of the family pretend everything’s okay.

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