Why Are You So Tired After Leaving a Narcissist?

So, you’ve finally broken free from the chaos of a narcissistic relationship. You’re free! You can breathe, snack without judgment, and wear whatever you like without someone making it about them.

But instead of dancing around in victory, you feel…tired. Not the kind of tiredness that a cup of coffee will fix, but the deep, bone-weary kind that makes you want to hibernate for a month. If you’re wondering why, let me assure you, it’s not all in your head.

I get it, I’ve been there too and it’s very normal to feel this way after leaving a narcissist behind.

In my own life, my toxic mother was a master manipulator, always charming the rest of the family while quietly tearing me down behind closed doors. Despite cutting ties with her, I remember how drained I felt afterward as if I had run a marathon without ever moving.

Turns out, this exhaustion is completely normal. After years of stress, your body and mind need to recover, and it’s not an overnight process.

Why Am I So Exhausted After Leaving a Narcissist?

After leaving a narcissist, your body and mind go through a bit of a detox. And no, we’re not talking about some juice cleanses, this is a full-on “release the tension you’ve been holding for years” kind of thing.

You’ve been in survival mode for so long that your nervous system is in disarray, and it’s normal to feel absolutely drained.

Here’s why you’re so tired (and no, it’s not just because you binged Netflix to cope).

1. The Mental Load Was Overwhelming (A Constant State of Alert)

Living with a narcissist, whether it’s a partner, friend, or, in my case, a family member, is like walking through a minefield, you never know when the next explosion is coming.

My mom could be sweet and charming one minute, only to turn the entire family against me the next. I remember the emotional exhaustion of always having to second-guess her motives and actions.

You likely spent most of your time trying to avoid conflict, always on high alert. That constant state of mental tension is incredibly draining. It’s no wonder that now when you’re finally out, your brain feels like it’s been put through a blender.

This mental exhaustion takes a serious toll:

2. Your Nervous System is Trying to Recalibrate (The Fight, Flight, Freeze Hangover)

For years, you’ve been stuck in fight, flight, or freeze mode. Your body has been primed for danger at every turn. When you’re constantly in that heightened state of stress, your body eventually forgets how to relax.

Growing up with a mother who made me feel like I was always on trial, criticizing my looks, intelligence, and achievements—my nervous system never caught a break. Even after I cut her off, my body took months, even years, to adjust to not being in “danger mode” anymore.

Here’s why this leaves you feeling so drained:

3. Coping Mechanisms Wore You Down

The strategies you developed to survive living with a narcissist whether it was fawning (people-pleasing) or freezing to avoid confrontation—took a serious toll on your mental and emotional well-being.

My sister, who used to be my confidant, became someone who tried to tear me down once I succeeded. I found myself constantly freezing in her presence, unable to defend myself for fear of further backlash.

Now that you’re out of that toxic environment, your body doesn’t need these mechanisms anymore. But the exhaustion from constantly using them has left you feeling depleted.

Here’s how they contributed to your fatigue:

4. Healing Takes Time (and It’s Okay to Take it Slow)

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The exhaustion you feel isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s your body’s way of telling you it needs time to heal. Healing from narcissistic abuse isn’t linear, and it’s certainly not quick.

Growing up in a household where my mom’s manipulation was constant, it took years for me to stop feeling guilty and tired after cutting ties with her. I expected instant relief, but that’s not how it works.

While you may want to feel better instantly, the exhaustion is actually a sign of healing, and here’s why it’s crucial to take things slowly:

5. The Mental and Emotional Toll (It Wasn’t Just Your Body)

Living with a narcissist isn’t just about dealing with their verbal abuse, it’s the emotional manipulation that really takes a toll.

In my case, my sister, once a close ally, started spreading lies about me to our family and friends. It was mentally and emotionally draining, constantly trying to defend myself or understand why she was behaving that way.

The emotional and mental gymnastics required to navigate a narcissist’s manipulation leave lasting effects, and here’s how they drain your energy:

6. Being in Survival Mode for Too Long (High Alert All the Time)

When you’re with a narcissist, your body and mind are stuck in survival mode. Whether it was avoiding your narcissistic mother’s sharp words or dealing with manipulative siblings, you were always bracing yourself for the next emotional hit.

When I was still with my narcissistic family, I spent a lot of time alone, teaching myself to be independent because I couldn’t rely on them for support.

Even now, it can feel strange to be out of survival mode, and your body’s response is often exhausted. It’s like getting off a roller coaster, you’re still wobbly and disoriented.

Here’s why that contributes to the fatigue you feel now:

What Are Common Triggers That Can Set Back Your Recovery?

The road to healing isn’t always a straight line. There will be triggers that can unexpectedly bring up old emotions and make you feel like you’re back to square one.

For me, hearing about my sister or mother through family members can sometimes bring up those old feelings of doubt or anger, even though I’ve come a long way in my healing.

Here are a few triggers to watch out for:

These triggers are a normal part of recovery. The key is to recognize them and have strategies in place to handle them.

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