Why Dating a Narcissist Was the Best & Worst Thing That Ever Happened to Me

I thought I hit the jackpot.

Charming. Confident. Magnetic. They knew exactly what to say, how to say it, and when to say it. I was hooked, hard.

Looking back, I should’ve seen the red flags waving right in my face. But love has a way of making you blind.

And before I knew it, I was trapped in a whirlwind of gaslighting, emotional highs and lows, and a constant feeling that I wasn’t enough.

Dating a narcissist? Easily one of the worst things that’s ever happened to me.

But weirdly? It was also one of the best.

Because that experience broke me… but it also rebuilt me.

Here’s what I learned.

The Best: Priceless Lessons

1. I Learned How to Set Boundaries (For Real This Time)

Before this, I thought setting boundaries meant saying “I don’t like that” and expecting people to respect it.

Ha. Cute.

A narcissist will bulldoze right over your boundaries and then make you feel guilty for even having them in the first place.

I learned the hard way that a boundary means nothing if you don’t enforce it.

Now? I say no and I don’t explain myself. I walk away from anything that drains me. I no longer let guilt manipulate me into staying where I don’t belong.

2. I Stopped Ignoring My Gut Instinct

You know that little voice inside you that whispers, something’s off?

Yeah, I ignored it. Repeatedly.

And every time I did, I got burned. A narcissist is a master at making you doubt yourself. But the second I started trusting my own instincts again, game over.

If something feels off, it’s off. No more justifying bad behavior. No more giving people the benefit of the doubt when their actions scream otherwise.

3. I Got an Unfiltered Masterclass on Toxic Relationships

When you date a narcissist, you get a front-row seat to manipulation tactics in action. Love-bombing. Gaslighting. Future faking. Silent treatment. They’ve got the whole playbook.

At first, I thought it was love. Now, I see it for what it was. Emotional manipulation, disguised as affection. Once you learn the tricks, you start seeing them everywhere.

And let me tell you, once you know, you can’t un-know.

4. I Finally Understood What Love Isn’t

Before, I thought love was supposed to feel intense. Passionate. Like a movie.

Nope.

Turns out, real love isn’t chaotic. It doesn’t make you question your worth. It doesn’t make you feel like you have to earn affection.

Real love is safe. It’s steady. It’s calm.

What I had? That wasn’t love. That was control wrapped in sweet words and empty promises.

The Worst: The Damage & Trauma

1. Gaslighting Made Me Question My Own Reality

One day, they’d tell me I was the love of their life. The next, they’d act like I was a burden. And if I called them out?

“Oh, you’re being too sensitive.”
“That never happened.”
“You’re imagining things.”

It was like living in a constant state of confusion. I started questioning my own memories, my own emotions, my own sanity.

That’s what gaslighting does. It makes you doubt yourself so much that you start relying on them for the truth.

According to Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist who specializes in narcissism, “Gaslighting works because it takes small, repeated jabs at your confidence until you’re so unsure of yourself that you start believing the lies.”

And I believed them… for way too long.

2. I Lost Myself Trying to Keep Them Happy

I walked on eggshells. I filtered my words. I second-guessed everything I did because I never knew what would set them off.

Slowly, I stopped being me.

By the time I realized how much I had changed, I didn’t even recognize myself. I wasn’t living but surviving.

And the worst part? I thought that was normal.

3. Breaking Free Didn’t Mean Instant Healing

Walking away from a narcissist isn’t just about leaving a relationship. It’s about untangling yourself from their web of control.

Even after it ended, I had doubts. Did I overreact? Was I the problem?

The trauma doesn’t just disappear. It lingers. It sneaks up on you in new relationships, in your self-worth, in the way you trust (or don’t trust) people.

Healing from narcissistic abuse? It takes time. It takes work. And most of all, it takes unlearning everything they made you believe about yourself.

How I Healed & Moved Forward

I won’t lie, healing wasn’t pretty. It wasn’t quick. And it sure as hell wasn’t easy.

But I did it. And if you’re going through it right now, you can too.

1. I Went No-Contact (And I Mean No Contact)

No texts. No calls. No checking their social media “just to see.”

Narcissists don’t change. They don’t suddenly wake up and realize they mistreated you. They just find new ways to manipulate you. Cutting them off is the only way to break free.

2. I Stopped Looking for Closure

I used to think if I could just get them to admit what they did, I’d feel better. But the truth? You will never get closure from a narcissist. They’ll either deny, deflect, or turn it back on you.

So, I gave myself my own closure.

I accepted that they were never going to change. I accepted that I deserved better. And that was enough.

3. I Focused on Rebuilding My Confidence

For too long, I let someone else define my worth. Never again.

I started doing things that made me feel strong. Journaling, and surrounding myself with people who truly cared about me. Slowly, I started to feel like me again.

4. I Let Myself Feel Everything Without Shame

Some days, I felt relieved. Other days, I missed them. And you know what? That was okay.

Healing isn’t linear. Missing them doesn’t mean you should go back. Feeling broken doesn’t mean you’ll never be whole again.

Give yourself grace. You’re allowed to hurt. But you’re also allowed to heal.

Would I Change It?

Honestly? No.

Would I willingly go through it again? Absolutely not. But I wouldn’t erase it either.

Because that experience taught me how to protect myself. It taught me what I deserve. And most importantly, it showed me that I am so much stronger than I ever thought I was.

If you’re healing from a relationship like this, let me tell you: You’re going to be okay.

No, scratch that.

You’re going to be better than okay.

You’re going to come out of this stronger, wiser, and with a self-love so fierce that no one will ever break you like that again.